so, am i wrong?

Thorn Bird

Forum Mom
May 24, 2005
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we had a friend come to us a month ago about refinancing our mortgage. we have been talking steadily since then about different options. he has done the homework and all that. recently, we checked out our existing lender to see of the options we would have with them. it looked like a better deal, and it saved us $4500 in closing costs. we informed our friend tonight of this, and he is infuriated.

i want to know, since i don't think i am understanding correctly, if this was such a bad thing on our end. i know he put in time and effort in researching our options for us, but is it not how the business runs? i don't know if he treats all his customers this way if turned down, or if people don't turn him down, or what. i want to know if we were rude and insulting when researching another option. i'm looking for brutal honesty here, guys. thoughts?
 
You are wrong for doubting yourself and for needing to ask if it's wrong.

Money is money, there are no friends when it comes to it as far as I'm concerned. Your interests may align at times but there is no wrong in going for the better thing. I'm not entirely opposed to doing what's necessary when it comes to my own personal welfare. I am not running a charity.

Poor character for being "infuriated", obviously not mature enough to understand the points I outlined above instinctively.

This is why I dont involve family or friends in "money" issues. I dont /like/ trampling feelings or stabbing people in the back but it is part of the strategy at times.
 
I was in a very similar situation a few years ago when we refi'ed our house. A friend of mine (ex-co-worker) worked at a mortgage company, so I decided to give him a shot at the refi. He came back to us with a quote for closing costs that seemed high and a rate that was about a half a point higher than I was seeing on bankrate.com.

Like you, I did some research on my own and found a better rate and lower closing costs and brought my quote info back to him. He got a little upset and when he took the info to his boss to "match it," he said his boss told him to tell us to get out.

We were stuck in a very weird spot as we were his friends, but now money was between us. In the end, we went with the lower mortgage quote, as our friendship wasn't worth more than the multiple thousands of dollars we were saving.
 
If they wanted your money they should have gotten you the best deal, period. Them getting bent because you went with somneone else is just plain old unprofessional.
 
I agree with everyone else. As a true professional (and especially as a friend), he should understand if you were able to get a better deal elsewhere and he couldn't match it. It only makes sense that you would go with that. If the situation was reversed, he sure as heck wouldn't want to pay more for the same service.
 
thanks y'all. these are all the thoughts i've had, but i don't think i've EVER had someone be so nasty to me, and i was really stunned. i just wanted to make sure i wasn't missing something.
now i hope his wife (of one year) understands this and doesn't throw our 10-year friendship down the drain. :(
 
Tell him you'll sell him a car for MSRP and see if he takes the deal. If he doesn't accept, he must be a bad friend.
 
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You should just laugh and tell your friend that he missed an option that your current lender found. Tell him that due to his incompetence it would be in your best interest to stick with who you've got. I'm absolutely positive he'll understand.
 
he keeps getting uglier and uglier. i'm afraid this will not end well. he is showing himself to be very unprofessional, and the treatment i'm receiving disgusts me.

on a side note, i have led this guy to a very successful lawyer and appraiser who can easily help him with his business in georgia (he doesn't live here.) now i'm wondering if i should let my lawyer friend know about the way he conducts business, or if i should believe that he is giving me this treatment because i am a "friend."
 
Thorn Bird said:
he keeps getting uglier and uglier. i'm afraid this will not end well. he is showing himself to be very unprofessional, and the treatment i'm receiving disgusts me.

on a side note, i have led this guy to a very successful lawyer and appraiser who can easily help him with his business in georgia (he doesn't live here.) now i'm wondering if i should let my lawyer friend know about the way he conducts business, or if i should believe that he is giving me this treatment because i am a "friend."

Just because he is supposidly your friend doesn't mean he has the luxery of being this unprofessional with you. Seems like he should be more patient and respectful with you than he would for 'Joe off the street'. I know I make more allowances for my 'friends' at work than I do for others. Just because he is your 'friend' he shouldn't expect you to walk away from $4500. That's a lot of money. He shouldn't be so disrespectful to you just because you found a better deal. Perhaps $4500 is chump change for him, but if he was really your friend he would know that isn't the case for you.

As far as your lawyer friend is concerned, perhaps you should just let them know that you went with another lender. Maybe not go into detail but let them know that your morgage 'friend' did not take the news well.
 
Pandora said:
Just because he is supposidly your friend doesn't mean he has the luxery of being this unprofessional with you. Seems like he should be more patient and respectful with you than he would for 'Joe off the street'. I know I make more allowances for my 'friends' at work than I do for others. Just because he is your 'friend' he shouldn't expect you to walk away from $4500. That's a lot of money. He shouldn't be so disrespectful to you just because you found a better deal. Perhaps $4500 is chump change for him, but if he was really your friend he would know that isn't the case for you.

As far as your lawyer friend is concerned, perhaps you should just let them know that you went with another lender. Maybe not go into detail but let them know that your morgage 'friend' did not take the news well.

I suspect some or all of that 4500 was going to end up in his pocket...I have a buddy that does mortgages and they do intend to pretty much rape everyone they get their hands on...thinking it was a done deal because he was suckering "friends", he may have even spent some of it already and is now pissed they are backing out :fly: