1:15 PM – It begins. I’m in a cave, naked and alone. The Bethesda rep tells me that we’re about 30 minutes into the game; they skipped past the intro because they don’t want to spoil any plot points. They don’t realize that the only plot point I care about is murdering townspeople.
1:55 PM – While playing around with my menu screens, I realize that I’ve been holding an extensive array of weapons and armor this entire time. I save the game and then take out my anger on the townspeople of Falkreath. I am instantly killed by the guards.
2:22 PM – I decide to walk back to Falkreath, slaying bandits and other annoying vermin along the way. I encounter a haughty noble couple en route to a wedding party. The man mentions that they are carrying lots of expensive gifts.
2:23 PM – I finish looting their dead bodies.