Remembering Johnny C; a eulogy


Erect Member
Oct 14, 2004
close to Seattle
Amidst all of the rampant and widespread mourning for the pope and his millions of brainwashed followers, I've noticed that the death of Johnny C has gone largely unnoticed. This is such a slight to the upholder of the little man, that I can't stand it anymore....... even on CNN where his courtroom antics were upheld with glowing adoration, his passing has garnered nothing more than a blurb on the rolling ticker on the bottom of the screen. Thanks a fucking load John Paul you selfish bastard :mad:

But to remember Johnny C, the man who's actions in the courtroom belied his humble Shreveport, LA beginnings, we have to look at the highs and lows of his splendid life and career to see the true brilliance of the man.

He started out small, taking on cases that typically nobody else would, he took his lumps like a man, losing case after case and blaming "the racist regime" for his losses- most of us are too young to remember his defense of a Black Panther and his subsequent loss in that trial. Way to go Johnny, you showed 'em :fly: Of course, once he started whoring himself to the stars, he got his 15 minutes of fame...... who can forget his stirring defense of Michael Jackson (yes, proof that history DOES repeat itself) and the out-of-court settlement in that case?? Was Michael innocent? Did he touch that young boy in his bad spots? Did that boy touch Michael on his pee-pee too? In the end, nobody cared.

Not content to stop there, Todd Bridges was next........ what should have been a very open and closed case, my man Johnny managed to get an acquittal. Yeah boy!!!

But then...... BUT THEN. Who can forget his inclusion on the "Dream Team" for O.J.?? Apparently amidst the killing, crying on the phone, low-speed Bronco chase, and attempts to maintain his innocence, my boy Juice knew what he had to do- get the best to save his bacon. And of course, Johnny was up for it. It was a media circus, and Johnny was there, looking dapper, showing more pomp and polish than any other turdbiscuit in that courtroom; and I'll be damned if that hottie Marcia Clark didn't sneak him a lustful glance every now and again, the hussy. In the end, I think we should all remember Johnny and that case for it's one defining moment- his statement of "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" COMEDY FUCKING GOLD!!! Love you Johnny.

In closing, I'd just like us all to take a few moments and admire this fine man, openly, lovingly and fondly. We should all be so bold as to face our tormentors so opnely as he did, throwing all caution to the wind and calling the bastards out for what they are. We'll miss you Johnny C, even if your untimely passing has been overshadowed by the pope.