WTF Random jokes thread......

Applesauce

The Gypsy-The Acid Queen
Dec 9, 2008
24,574
4,173
323
What does you call a guy with no arms & no legs floating in the water?







































bob








:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



(spelled backwards - bob)
 

Mean Mr. Mustard

Always shouts out something obscene
Sep 30, 2004
66,997
34,964
1,323
51
Uranus
Steam
heyfubuddy
I once had a friend that couldnt decide if he wanted to be a dentist or a porn star
All he was sure of is that he greatly enjoyed filling cavities.
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
103,200
37,893
1,823
Houston
A man was in bed with his Thai girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.
Rather enjoying it, he turns and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"
She replied: "Because I really miss mine".
 

Applesauce

The Gypsy-The Acid Queen
Dec 9, 2008
24,574
4,173
323
A man was in bed with his Thai girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.
Rather enjoying it, he turns and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"
She replied: "Because I really miss mine".

lkjlfdjgkldjglf
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
103,200
37,893
1,823
Houston
This one makes me giggle every time:

A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
103,200
37,893
1,823
Houston
So my first summer job was at the local funeral home. The first body I had to prepare for a service was a middle aged woman who had been found floating in the bay. Her body was severely bloated from being in the water as long as she was. Upon further inspection I had found a large shrimp halfway lodged in her vagina. I notified the funeral director about the odd discovery. He informed me that it was not a jumbo shrimp but instead it was her clitoris, and it had been swollen due to the drowning just like the rest of her body. I contested the fact that it was indeed a large crustacean. He quickly became irritated as to why I would continue to argue this fact. I was fired immediately after I replied
"Well it tasted like shrimp"


:barf: :barf:
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
103,200
37,893
1,823
Houston
@fly

A man is sitting down at a bench enjoying some lunch during his lunch break. Overhead he watches children frolick and play. But then he sees a group of women quietly discussing (obviously) him.
Then all of the sudden one of the women confidently approaches the man. With an ounce of cockyness, in a bid to lure away the man, the women asks "So, which one is yours?"
The man replies "I haven't decided yet."
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Jimmycrackcorn

abscesschin
Nov 8, 2012
14,050
3,055
223
On the Sweet Side of the Glory Hole
So my first summer job was at the local funeral home. The first body I had to prepare for a service was a middle aged woman who had been found floating in the bay. Her body was severely bloated from being in the water as long as she was. Upon further inspection I had found a large shrimp halfway lodged in her vagina. I notified the funeral director about the odd discovery. He informed me that it was not a jumbo shrimp but instead it was her clitoris, and it had been swollen due to the drowning just like the rest of her body. I contested the fact that it was indeed a large crustacean. He quickly became irritated as to why I would continue to argue this fact. I was fired immediately after I replied
"Well it tasted like shrimp"


:barf: :barf:

these are awesome!

:bowrofl: