Last night I witnessed what was quite possibly the greatest thing ever created for human television consumption: Puppy Bowl. I don't know how they got this idea all the way through the creation and airing process, but they did, and I can now die happy. Take everything you love about American football: Action, Suspense, Strategy, Tackles. Throw those out the window, replace all the players with oh-so-cute puppy dogs and you've got the basic premise of Puppy Bowl.
It all takes place in a Puppy Stadium (read: box) that quite accurately re-creates a live football stadium (read: it looks worse than the audience in Madden '91). There is a water bowl in one of the end zones (more on this later). There are various toys strewn about the arena. Then there are the puppies. Puppies of various sizes, shapes and colors are then shoved in this stadium and are left to do their puppy thang and be recorded all the while.
Not only is a viable alternative to watching the big game, but it also features some of the most cinematic cinematics I have ever witnessed. Kudos, Animal Planet, kudos. I mentioned a water bowl in the endzone. When a puppy or puppies start to drink from this, the words BOWL CAM flashes across the screen and we are treated to the visual delight that is The View From The Bottom Of The Bowl. I don't know about you, but I've always wanted to see what the water saw. Now we can. They even have slow-motion INSTANT REPLAY, just in case you missed Fluffy scratching his ear, or you wanted to see Rover chewing on the rope again.
It is my opinion that the refereeing was a little shoddy though. Every so often, a puppy would make a little mess, as puppies do. The ref would then call PUPPY FOUL and clean the mess up. Sometimes, it wasn't even that much of a mess.. Hardly a foul. Despite that, there's just nothing like seeing a grown man seriously say "Puppy foul.. 30 yard line" with a straight face.. as he bends over to pick up dog crap.
Highlights included a dildo ball, a black puppy trying to steal toys from other puppies, and a smaller brown puppy tearing the face off of a much bigger puppy.
I was ecstatic to find that you can actually order the entire Puppy Bowl on DVD, but was devestated to find that they are no longer available on the site. I will be writing them a letter in hopes that they will restock so I can order one. Maybe even two (You can't get your Christmas shopping done too early)
I've covered quite a bit, but there is so much more to Puppy Bowl. I urge each of you to find the chance to watch this display of pure, American TV. And I hope that you too, can find a little Puppy Bowl in your heart.
I wish I could write like FB and DP