Halp Pro Tips v1.0

It's a Creepy Juniper or something plant. Can't just dump mulch on top of that.

Yah, it's this thing. A rug juniper.

It looks kind of innocent in this Googled pic, but it's like a friggin thick, ruglike stalk, and it seems like a humongus pain in the ass to dig up, so it's left, but the grass is growing up through it and it's a bitch to maintain that. I dunno.

Juniper-Blue-Rug.jpg
 
Yah, it's this thing. A rug juniper.

It looks kind of innocent in this Googled pic, but it's like a friggin thick, ruglike stalk, and it seems like a humongus pain in the ass to dig up, so it's left, but the grass is growing up through it and it's a bitch to maintain that. I dunno.

Juniper-Blue-Rug.jpg

Kill it with fire.
 
Protip: get a vasectomy.

Most of you have already procreated so why not save yourself a few bucks? And for those of you who haven't (not you rollout, we know you'll die a virgin) you should get in on this too.

Blasphemy you say?
Nay!
For a couple copays you can sleep soundly knowing the bar slut you just emptied your balls into won't be bilking you for child support for the next 18 years. No worries about failed condoms, gone are the days of guessing if she is actually on the pill like she told you... (what do you mean antibiotics cancel out the pill?! I jizzed in there!)

No matter how many whores you take home from the bar, none of them will ever have a reason to call on you again. If that's not piece of mind, I don't know what is.

But wait! There's more! You can start saving thousands of dollars on condoms (or diapers and college) in as soon as three* months! What's to lose? Have more sex and save money?! Yep, it's actually financially sound, in fact some might even say it's fiscally irresponsible not to get a vasectomy.

Don't delay! Call your doctor today! Save yourself thousands. Besides, you don't even really like kids anyway.












*arbitrary amount of time
 
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Yah, it's this thing. A rug juniper.

It looks kind of innocent in this Googled pic, but it's like a friggin thick, ruglike stalk, and it seems like a humongus pain in the ass to dig up, so it's left, but the grass is growing up through it and it's a bitch to maintain that. I dunno.

Juniper-Blue-Rug.jpg
Cut it, dry it, make gin.
 
Protip: get a vasectomy.

Most of you have already procreated so why not save yourself a few bucks? And for those of you who haven't (not you rollout, we know you'll die a virgin) you should get in on this too.

Blasphemy you say?
Nay!
For a couple copays you can sleep soundly knowing the bar slut you just emptied your balls into won't be bilking you for child support for the next 18 years. No worries about failed condoms, gone are the days of guessing if she is actually on the pill like she told you... (what do you mean antibiotics cancel out the pill?! I jizzed in there!)

You will sleep easier knowing that no matter how many whores you take home from the bar, none of them will ever have a reason to call on you again. If that's not piece of mind, I don't know what is.

But wait! There's more! You can start saving thousands of dollars on condoms (or diapers and college) in as soon as three* months! What's to lose? Have more sex and[/] save money?! Yep, it's actually financially sound, in fact some might even say it's fiscally irresponsible not to get a vasectomy.

Don't delay! Call your doctor today! Save yourself thousands. Besides, you don't even really like kids anyway.












*arbitrary amount of time


well that is true. They do give me hives. *ponders*
 
Hate it when you shit into a public toilet and the water splashes back on your cinnamon ring?

Place some toilet paper on the firing range. Shitting on that will prevent blowback.
 
Hate it when you shit into a public toilet and the water splashes back on your cinnamon ring?

Place some toilet paper on the firing range. Shitting on that will prevent blowback.

I rip out the center of the ass gasket and throw it in
 
Hate it when you shit into a public toilet and the water splashes back on your cinnamon ring?

Place some toilet paper on the firing range. Shitting on that will prevent blowback.

This would be quite helpful to know because every morning you forget to flush and when I sit down to go I get splashed with your urine. Thanks.
 
This would be quite helpful to know because every morning you forget to flush and when I sit down to go I get splashed with your urine. Thanks.

I guess you don't forget, you just refuse to flush in the middle of the night. Grr.
 
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Install Adblock Plus for Firefox or Chrome. Block ads which some have been known to drop malware on computers and remove the annoyance of sluggish pages.

Noscript is another good addon for Firefox to keep your computer safer on the internet, block ads, and stop malicious scripts dead.