Prank letters

Applesauce

Applesauce

The Gypsy-The Acid Queen
Dec 9, 2008
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Anyone ever send a letter to a company when you hated how their product shit all over you in some way? But, instead of actually sending a real complaint, you send an over the top, shitpile of retardation. Orrrrr, you leave retarded letters in anon form in the communal kitchen at work...? I love sitting there giggling away, wondering about people's reactions.

I do this a lot actually. My sister would get me to write anon letters to people at her work and various companies to bitch about stuff.

Here's a letter that I just came across in some old emails, that I sent out to this lady who did the flowers for my wedding, back in '99.

From: JP
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2005 3:27 PM
Subject: Fantasy Flowers! Pfff!

Listen here Fantasy Flower Lady:

I have some things to share with you here:

My opinion of your services truly, truly does NOT leave a great taste on my tongue, in my mouth, all of that. In fact, I would have to compare it to taking a shot of sayy.....Firewater. Yea, I mean it's that bad of a taste that you have left me with, with your .........services.

When I got myself married back in June of 1999, I politely asked for some Calla Lilies, you said, "well I dont know where you are going to get those at this time of this year!"

WELL, since your the Fantasy Flower Lady of Thiensville over there, maybe you should think of that yourself! And maybe.......you should have thought better about fulfilling my fantasies and producing these Goddamned Calla Lillies. You instead pointed me over the the roses area.

White Roses = Calla Lillies?
Calla Lillies = White Roses?

I dont think so!

they arent even the same shade of white! Maybe you failed out of your Flower Color Learning Class or something. Because white roses arent really white, they are OFF white. And Calla Lillies are pure white.

White.

Which is wanted I wanted for the whole wedding.

White.

See a theme here?

Well, and some black.

But I asked for white, And see, you didnt give that to me.

So only since I was pressed for time, I chose your stupid white roses stuff.

So you then produce this bouquet that weighed 82 pounds, but then you have the nerve to send me your lovely little card, index, letter thing, requesting a PICTURE with my Goddamned flowers!

Flower lady! You didnt even fulfill your duties as Fantasy Flower Woman by providing Calla Lillies. So, no picture for you.

I bet you wonder to this day how lovely that silly little Calla Lily girl looked in her wedding dress?

I bet you do!

I'll have you know, I paid 18 Hunnerd bucks for my picture taker guy. And that did not include the developing, Ms. Flowers! He told me himself not to share his work with you since you couldnt fill those picture with Calla Lilies! That's what he said.

Furthermore, I suggest you change your name you lying NONFantasy Flower Woman. May I suggest something like: "I Dont Fill Your Fantasies FLowers.com" "I'm The Dont Ask For Calla Lillies Flower Lady.com." Something along those lines would be just perfect.

PFF!

Thank you for your time, it's been a pleasure working with you back in '99!

Signed,

"I asked for Calla Lillies but was told to pick them myself in a field" (with dangerous animals)

(And bugs that bite)

Anonymous
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Meh, the whole thing with the calla lilies might have her eventually figuring out who it was. She did respond though. My sister and I were laughing like crazy.
 
From: "Flowerchild" <
To: "JP" <
Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 19:46:36 -0500
Subject: Re: Fantasy Flowers! Pfff!

Dear Anonymous,

In reading your letter I say to my self I would never say the things you said I said. I first thought you must be confusing me with the other florist in town. If the callas were not in season, no amount of any thing including magic dust could make them happen. When a bride comes in I always check with my wholesaler to make sure hard to find flowers with short seasons are available. Years later the mini callas are now more readily available than then. I will base my suggestions on this information given to me by my wholesaler. Which I am sure I did with you. All white flowers even callas are not pure white, for your information. I am sorry after all this time you are still so mad. Why did your not express your concerns back in 1999. Generally most of my consultations are hours long you never said any thing. Why did it take you 6 years to complain? Over the years of flowers for brides, and you may not believe this, I work very hard to make sure they do have the flowers of there dreams and I am sorry that you feel the way you do. If you wish to discuss this further please call me. With what ever flowers you had, I am sure you must have been a beautiful bride.

Nancy
Thiensville WI
20 + years of floral excellence
 
It would be funny.

"I finished reading your reply, and I have never seen such lies and deception before." something like that
 
Dear Flowerchild,

This reply is long overdue, I know. the reason being is that your original response so infuriated me, the resultant rage caused me to kill the man I love. my four year sentence for involuntary manslaughter has now been completed, and I can now respond to you in a manner befitting my current frame of mind.

See you soon, bitch.
 
Really, I DID wait 6 years, (according to her), to even send the first one, so sending a reply 4 years later would be an acceptable pattern in this case. lmaooo
 
The Duke Of Nuke said:
Dear Flowerchild,

This reply is long overdue, I know. the reason being is that your original response so infuriated me, the resultant rage caused me to kill the man I love. my four year sentence for involuntary manslaughter has now been completed, and I can now respond to you in a manner befitting my current frame of mind.

See you soon, bitch.
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fucking lol. But, that might kinda backfire.
 
Enemy said:
That's not very nice, picking on a small businesswoman for your own amusement. :wtf: I could imagine if I were said flower lady I would possibly be quite upset by a spiteful e-mail like that.

Think of the children Juleeeee :mad: :p
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lol. She really was a haggard woman.
 
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