Ontopic Please proof-read this:

Nemesi said:
Flannery O'Connor's A Good Man Is hard(needs capital and italics) To Find, like many of her stories, is about searching for the hint of a divine spark in all humans. It is a story about trying find that hint of divine grace in all human beings. (repetition of divine, please find other word in thesaurus)
Flannery starts of (should be off) her story with a grandmother that does not seem to care for her child, or her grandchildren other than how they might pay attention to her, she cares for her daughter in law so little that she does not even care to mention her name. The grandmother wants nothing more than to get her way in every conceivable facet of life. Despite this at the end of the story, when everything she loves is violently taken away from her, she sees the man who slew everyone in her life in a beautiful light. She reaches out to this man who is the epitome of evil and tries to envelope him in love in what might only be seen as divine grace.(divine, do you want to use this word again)
Many who read this story do not see this dramatic change as a divine revelation but instead as another selfish attempt by this lady to survive (do you want to put 'this lady?' seems too informal), to get her way, when no one else in her family did. (when no one else in her family did is informal, do you want to change?) Yet, if you read this story carefully you will notice that this lady (this lady again?) has never been for a lack of words. In a vain attempt to get what she wants, she waxes eloquently upon the evils of The Misfit and why the family should forsake the path to Florida. She natters (is natters too informal?) on incessantly to the family about what they are passing, she babbles to the babe about the sights and scenery that they pass on their drive, despite the fact that not one person is paying attention to her (as?) she talks. And she talks. And she talks. (Any thoughts on the repetition of "And she talks." as a formal sentence?) For her to be struck dumb is in itself a break from her character, then for her to be concerned with this man's soul, for her to believe that he is one of her flesh and blood and to reach out to him tenderly is such a break that one of the only explanations left to us is divine inspiration. The Misfit's reaction in itself could be confirmation of this. Going by what we know of The Misfit and of what he has done, why would anyone in that situation ever try to communicate with him that way? So The Misfit recoils, shocked, and ends her life.
Flannery O'Connor herself was deeply religious, as a result of this the majority of her stories seem to ask us if there is a divine streak within us (do they seem to ask or DO they ask? Does your college like you to be vague or to make assertions yourself?). In order to get us to ask this question her stories are typically extremely dark, not bound by any normal sentiments, and plainly realistic. As Flannery herself says in one of her letters “The stories are hard but they are hard because there is nothing harder or less sentimental than Christian realism.” She could have easily told a story where The Misfit realized his mistake and was redeemed by his faith and belief in Jesus meeting her divine inspiration, but that story would not have introduced any hard questions for the reader to pursue and think about. A happy ending makes the reader feel good, but too often it is unrealistic.


I've put any things that strike me in brackets, feel free to ignore. I have no idea if this is for academic reasons so my criticism may be mostly useless if not.
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I put yours in blue so that they were easier to pick out

As a sidenote, I really shouldn't write when I'm tired, it comes out as a mess

I italicized it in my actual document, capitalized "Hard" :)fly:)
Will do
I deleted "of"
Repetition is good in certain instances, brings the mind back to the original thought, this one I'll leave.
She goes through the story un-named, just known as "Grandmother" or "Lady," do you have a better thought?
Entire sentence may need to be re-written
Stupid lady. Upon re-reading, I don't like it much either but as I said above I'm not sure what to use instead. Could toss "Matriarch" in there, but that implies that she's in charge of the family which she is most definitely not.
Natters might be too informal, but I like it. Trying to imply that she is just babbling
Yup, missed "as"
My thought is in red
My college is a bit of a joke, especially this class. When we were going over this story in class we started talking about themes in this story and most of them contradicted themes that had been previously brought up, discussed, and agreed upon that were within this story. I can put in that they seem or that they do, makes no nevermind to me

I also overuse commas
 
Coqui said:
It's been a while since I've written a book report, but your paragraphing is very jumbled. The first paragraph kind of says you're going to talk about what you read (personal interpretation) in the story, but then you immediatly just rehash the story itself.

Things like this.
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My mind is jumbled up. :-/
The prof likes us to rely heavily on examples of the text to get our point across, as a result of this you almost have to rehash the entire story.
 
Mr. Asa said:
I put yours in blue so that they were easier to pick out

As a sidenote, I really shouldn't write when I'm tired, it comes out as a mess

I italicized it in my actual document, capitalized "Hard" :)fly:)
Will do
I deleted "of"
Repetition is good in certain instances, brings the mind back to the original thought, this one I'll leave.
She goes through the story un-named, just known as "Grandmother" or "Lady," do you have a better thought?
Entire sentence may need to be re-written
Stupid lady. Upon re-reading, I don't like it much either but as I said above I'm not sure what to use instead. Could toss "Matriarch" in there, but that implies that she's in charge of the family which she is most definitely not.
Natters might be too informal, but I like it. Trying to imply that she is just babbling
Yup, missed "as"
My thought is in red
My college is a bit of a joke, especially this class. When we were going over this story in class we started talking about themes in this story and most of them contradicted themes that had been previously brought up, discussed, and agreed upon that were within this story. I can put in that they seem or that they do, makes no nevermind to me

I also overuse commas
Click to expand...
Upon reflection:
Without asking O'Connor herself, yes, her stories only seem to ask. We can't be sure whether they do ask, or if that's what we're seeing because we know how religious she is.
Think I should toss something of that in there?
 
Mr. Asa said:
My mind is jumbled up. :-/
The prof likes us to rely heavily on examples of the text to get our point across, as a result of this you almost have to rehash the entire story.
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And that's fine. But either rehash the story first, then put across your ideas in another paragraph, or vice versa. Not both in the same paragraph
 
Mr. Asa said:
My mind is jumbled up. :-/
The prof likes us to rely heavily on examples of the text to get our point across, as a result of this you almost have to rehash the entire story.
Click to expand...

I don't know if relevant as I'm unfamiliar with the text, but rehashing a story is not relying on examples from the text. What I do (literature) is make a point, quote directly from the text to back it up, then explain. Instead of saying 'What we see is religion because this happens' I have to quote directly instead of 'telling the story'. But that is probably just not your style, and would mean rehashing the piece complete. Just having my dinner and then I'll quote your stuff above and get back to you.
 
Mr. Asa said:
I put yours in blue so that they were easier to pick out

As a sidenote, I really shouldn't write when I'm tired, it comes out as a mess

I italicized it in my actual document, capitalized "Hard" :)fly:)
Will do
I deleted "of"
Repetition is good in certain instances, brings the mind back to the original thought, this one I'll leave.
She goes through the story un-named, just known as "Grandmother" or "Lady," do you have a better thought?
Entire sentence may need to be re-written
Stupid lady. Upon re-reading, I don't like it much either but as I said above I'm not sure what to use instead. Could toss "Matriarch" in there, but that implies that she's in charge of the family which she is most definitely not.
Natters might be too informal, but I like it. Trying to imply that she is just babbling
Yup, missed "as"
My thought is in red
My college is a bit of a joke, especially this class. When we were going over this story in class we started talking about themes in this story and most of them contradicted themes that had been previously brought up, discussed, and agreed upon that were within this story. I can put in that they seem or that they do, makes no nevermind to me

I also overuse commas
Click to expand...

Is she the main character? If yes then you could refer her to as the protagonist instead of lady etc.

Re your thought in red - I would not keep that in considering it's an academic piece of writing. It it were a creative writing piece I would, but it does not look scholarly.

I would be direct instead of vague saying 'they seem to be', it makes it sound like you don't actually know whether you're right or not. If he stories ARE about that then say so, your next sentence seems to imply that you know this to be true so state it.
I like comma splicing ;)
 
Revisions in red. I haven't tackled the last couple paragraphs yet but they need a lot of work.



Mr. Asa said:
Got a couple little papers I'd like to get looked over, make sure I haven't made any huge f*ckups.
Check it out, don't check it out, whatevers.
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Flannery O'Connor's A Good Man Is Hard To Find, like many of her stories, is about searching for the hint of a divine spark in all humans. It is a story about trying find that hint of divine grace in all human beings.

(You said 'hint of divine spark' in the first sentence. Don't say 'hint of divine grace' in the subsequent sentence. It's repetitive. Replace the words 'hint' and 'divine' with synonyms.))

Flannery starts her story off with a grandmother who does not seem to care for either her own child or her grandchildren, other than how they might pay attention to her; she cares for her daughter-in-law so little that she does not even care to mention her name.

The grandmother lives life without compromise or consideration. She seems to only be concerned with getting her way or being the center of attention. Despite this, at the end of the story, when everything she loved had been violently taken away from her, she chose to view the man who had perpetrated the violence in a beautiful light. She reached out to the man who had become the epitome of evil and tried to envelope him in love that can only be called divine.

Many who read this story do not see her dramatic change as genuine, but instead as simply another selfish attempt by this lady to get her way when no one else in her family did.

(Expand on this. How is choosing to love someone who has wronged you a selfish attempt to get one's way? The sentence needs supporting, clarifying statements. And what does "when no one else in her family did" mean? You've never referenced this before, so it comes to the reader out of the blue and doesn't make sense in the context. You are assuming they have knowledge of something you read. Add additional clarifying examples for this statement.)

Yet if you read this story carefully you will notice that this lady has never lacked for things to say. In a vain attempt to get what she wants she reflects eloquently upon the evils of The Misfit and the reasons the family should forsake the path to Florida.

She natters on incessantly to thefamily about what they are passing, she babbles to the babe about thesights and scenery that they pass on their drive, despite the factthat not one person is paying attention to her she talks. And shetalks. And she talks. For her to be struck dumb is in itself a breakfrom her character, then for her to be concerned with this man'ssoul, for her to believe that he is one of her flesh and blood and toreach out to him tenderly is such a break that one of the onlyexplanations left to us is divine inspiration. The Misfit's reactionin itself could be confirmation of this. Going by what we know ofThe Misfit and of what he has done, why would anyone in thatsituation ever try to communicate with him that way? So The Misfitrecoils, shocked, and ends her life.
FlanneryO'Connor herself was deeplyreligious, as a result of this the majority of her stories seem toask us if there is a divine streak within us. In order to get us toask this question her stories are typically extremely dark, not boundby any normal sentiments, and plainly realistic. As Flannery herselfsays in one of her letters “Thestories are hard but they are hard because there is nothing harder orless sentimental than Christian realism.” She could have easilytold a story where The Misfit realized his mistake and was redeemedby his faith and belief in Jesus meeting her divine inspiration, butthat story would not have introduced any hard questions for thereader to pursue and think about. A happy ending makes the readerfeel good, but too often it is unrealistic.
 
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Sarcasmo said:
Revisions in red. I haven't tackled the last couple paragraphs yet but they need a lot of work.






Flannery O'Connor's A Good Man Is Hard To Find, like many of her stories, is about searching for the hint of a divine spark in all humans. It is a story about trying find that hint of divine grace in all human beings.

(You said 'hint of divine spark' in the first sentence. Don't say 'hint of divine grace' in the subsequent sentence. It's repetitive. Replace the words 'hint' and 'divine' with synonyms.))

Flannery starts her story off with a grandmother who does not seem to care for either her own child or her grandchildren, other than how they might pay attention to her; she cares for her daughter-in-law so little that she does not even care to mention her name.

The grandmother lives life without compromise or consideration. She seems to only be concerned with getting her way or being the center of attention. Despite this, at the end of the story, when everything she loved had been violently taken away from her, she chose to view the man who had perpetrated the violence in a beautiful light. She reached out to the man who had become the epitome of evil and tried to envelope him in love that can only be called divine.

Many who read this story do not see her dramatic change as genuine, but instead as simply another selfish attempt by this lady to get her way when no one else in her family did.

(Expand on this. How is choosing to love someone who has wronged you a selfish attempt to get one's way? The sentence needs supporting, clarifying statements. And what does "when no one else in her family did" mean? You've never referenced this before, so it comes to the reader out of the blue and doesn't make sense in the context. You are assuming they have knowledge of something you read. Add additional clarifying examples for this statement.)

Yet if you read this story carefully you will notice that this lady has never lacked for things to say. In a vain attempt to get what she wants she reflects eloquently upon the evils of The Misfit and the reasons the family should forsake the path to Florida.

She natters on incessantly to thefamily about what they are passing, she babbles to the babe about thesights and scenery that they pass on their drive, despite the factthat not one person is paying attention to her she talks. And shetalks. And she talks. For her to be struck dumb is in itself a breakfrom her character, then for her to be concerned with this man'ssoul, for her to believe that he is one of her flesh and blood and toreach out to him tenderly is such a break that one of the onlyexplanations left to us is divine inspiration. The Misfit's reactionin itself could be confirmation of this. Going by what we know ofThe Misfit and of what he has done, why would anyone in thatsituation ever try to communicate with him that way? So The Misfitrecoils, shocked, and ends her life.
FlanneryO'Connor herself was deeplyreligious, as a result of this the majority of her stories seem toask us if there is a divine streak within us. In order to get us toask this question her stories are typically extremely dark, not boundby any normal sentiments, and plainly realistic. As Flannery herselfsays in one of her letters “Thestories are hard but they are hard because there is nothing harder orless sentimental than Christian realism.” She could have easilytold a story where The Misfit realized his mistake and was redeemedby his faith and belief in Jesus meeting her divine inspiration, butthat story would not have introduced any hard questions for thereader to pursue and think about. A happy ending makes the readerfeel good, but too often it is unrealistic.
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Thanks duder
I don't normally make mistakes as obvious as the repetition of "a hint of divine grace." Not sure what was going on here or what I was doing, I'm obviously going to have to go back and re-read it line by line and rewrite most of it.

It makes sense if I'm reading it :-/
 
Nemesi said:
Is she the main character? If yes then you could refer her to as the protagonist instead of lady etc.

Re your thought in red - I would not keep that in considering it's an academic piece of writing. It it were a creative writing piece I would, but it does not look scholarly.

I would be direct instead of vague saying 'they seem to be', it makes it sound like you don't actually know whether you're right or not. If he stories ARE about that then say so, your next sentence seems to imply that you know this to be true so state it.
I like comma splicing ;)
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I mentioned Matriarch and now I'm stuck on it. "Impotent Matriarch"? Protagonist always works though

I like the thought associated with the bit in red, but right now can't think of the proper way to write it.
 
Normally, I'm the go to person for this crap. But, I cannot even remember to eat today. Looks like Caryzz is helping well. :)
 
Nemesi said:
Dunno how considering I'm so dumb.

Lawlz.

My last Lit essay blew hardcore actually. So cannot do a good 2000 words on family figures in two whole novels, you need at least 10,000 to get into it. :mad:
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Well out of all of us, you and DJBrenton are the only ones that speak English. So you have a little more insight than us.
 
Would this be the moment to mention that a friend of mine came round with an 8,000 word essay to write on 'Europe, post-modern or post-industrial?' for his final degree essay. I dictated whilst laying on the settee and he moved up from a 2:1 to a 1st. Fullashit, that's my name. Essays are something you can do well whilst playing COD, baking bread, deflowering virgins and reading a book.
 
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