Overtime is fun!

Fat Burger

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Sep 30, 2004
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We just lost a RAID controller on our main SQL box, so of course instead of the DBA or network admin, it is I, the Helpdesk Specialist II, who will fix it :rolleyes:

So to pass the time, I will post jokes that I make up as I type them out. It doesn't matter if they're funny, because nobody is here to read them anyway!
 
***The first joke is in the style of a Choose Your Own Adventure book***

So a leprechaun, Marilyn Monroe, and a package of blue cheese walk into a bar.

The leprechaun orders the finest Scotch in the house, and downs it with one gulp. Five minutes later he's running naked along the top of the bar, screaming "Catch me if you can, three wishes!"

Marilyn Monroe orders a vodka on the rocks, and the bartender comes back with 10, compliments of the man sitting by himself in the corner. 10 minutes later she heads upstairs with yet another US president.

The package of blue cheese orders some red wine, and then loudly complains when it's taking too long. The bartender says...


If you would like to choose the punchline "So you really would like some cheese with your whine!", turn to page 43.

if you would like to choose the punchline "Hey buddy, you've got enough fermentation for one night, get out of here!", turn to page 67.
 
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Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you; The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; The next day I stopped eating red meat..

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; This morning I stopped reading.
 
This joke was originally told to me by my sister, when she lived in Virginia:




Two West Virginia mountain boys, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English, history, and logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a Weed Eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically, because you own a Weed Eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a Weed Eater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar.

He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for math, English, history, and logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a Weed Eater?"

"No."

Jim says, "You're queer, ain'tcha Bob?"
 
I dont' get this one :confused:


A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
 
I found the following on the American Medical Association's website, so it must be true:




Important Information for Women;

Discover the Benefits of Worshiping ...
And Adoring Your Man's Penis

Every blowjob you give, adds one month to your life.

If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to five porterhouse steaks but contains only 150 calories.

A handjob a day keeps arthritis away.

Every ten minutes of dry humping is equivalent to ten minutes on the treadmill.

Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.

Intercourse prevents divorce.

Regular fu*king releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of brain cells.

Sex eliminates headaches.

Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard," triples your chances of getting into heaven.

Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and your lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.
 
Fat Burger said:
I dont' get this one :confused:


A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
Mr. Reynolds was slipping Johnny's mom the hard salami and paid the kid to leave so he could do it in private.