Ostentatious Ornamentation

My wife's neice got caught doing improper things with a x-mas ornament. She's 11.

I'm never ever gonna touch their x-mas tree.

I asked her father if he counted all he ornaments when he took them out and he tried to choke me.
Forrest Dump said:
I like to hang a mistletoe on the front of my pants around this time of year
What don't you hang on the front of your pants?