Mr. Elpmis update thread

simple

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Hi all! I've been away, so I figured I'd update you on my exciting life. Before I begin though...Mr Drool, can you remind me when we're skinning that small asian boy locked in your closet? Somehow it disappeared from my Outlook

Christmas was fucking stupid, spent it with the hamster wheel I pretend is my father. My favorite gifts would have to be the right pinky finger from HifiGirly’s dead family lawyer friend, and the Burger King coupons.

I spent last week with April23. We spent some time with my family and friends, and also did some other stuff like shopping, watched movies (Phantom of the Opera was kickass). Okay, just kidding about that, April23 wouldn’t give me the time of day if her goat depended on it, but I did get to punch mike27 in his cunt – that little pecker eats some good asshole.

Today I was getting in my car and got flagged down by the neighbor. Apparently farting in a bitches cunt after you bust in her doesn’t serve as a makeshift spermicide – fuck.

Pictures:
My adorable niece, attempting to read the Dr. Suess books I gave her. Note the proud father in the background with the video camera.



pic of my pops



Sub-thread for discussion:
Most expensive thing you purchased over the holidays (Christmas present or otherwise).

Mine would be a round-trip for me to Atlantic Canadia at the end of February. Time to kill Mr. Furlong, his girl and his girl's parents :eek:
 
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simple

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ChikkenNoodul said:
Oh shit, I've gotta make a few phone calls now

Anyone know how to fake a paternity test?
yeah you gonna lean in there and tell the fetus to hold its breath until the girl is done peeing on that strip thing
 

simple

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ChikkenNoodul said:
I seen that bitch, all yellow and sporty

I'll get me a five horse Craftsman though
five horses? whoa whoa, are we trying to abort a baby here or make an inside out women?
 

bast_imret

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Most expensive item was a laptop, though after rebates it's only $500. Also bought a signed and remarqued artist's proof of the Dark Tower painting by Michael Whelan for the aptly named Dark Tower series by Stephen King, $350. Need to get it framed.

Edit: speaking of the Dark Tower, I just talked with a guy that bought his FOURTH set of Signed/Limited DT books (all 7 in the series) with matching numbers. This one only set him back $16k :eek:
 

BigDov

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bast_imret said:
Most expensive item was a laptop, though after rebates it's only $500. Also bought a signed and remarqued artist's proof of the Dark Tower painting by Michael Whelan for the aptly named Dark Tower series by Stephen King, $350. Need to get it framed.

Edit: speaking of the Dark Tower, I just talked with a guy that bought his FOURTH set of Signed/Limited DT books (all 7 in the series) with matching numbers. This one only set him back $16k :eek:
As much as I love those books, that's just ridiculous..... $16k for books that won't be read and enjoyed properly. :confused: