Money as a gift- equality?

also keep in mind my mom is bat shit insaine. Shes in constant pain and this makes her lash out at people and say hurtfull things. Ive learned to ignore it.
 
HydroSqueegee said:
well it was kind of a crazy move. They moved in to this bigass house that was way to much for them to handle (mom is physically limited). My sister and her family moved in with them. Then around 18 months later, they sold their place and had to be out by a certin date. So they bought a new home, moved all their crap over there, then it kind of fell through. So then everything was moved from there to an apartment. Then a few months later it was moved into their current place.
so thats 4 moves in like 3 years or so. Sucks.
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We had to move my grandmother's things from her storage locker to nursing home to an apartment to another nursing home to her current nursing home (the original actually) all within 2 years. Granted it is not a whole household of stuff. I didn't get a dime. I got a guilt trip for not helping out with two of the moves instead.
 
HifiGirly said:
Well actually this came up after his mom called last night and made some rude comments about the amount of time we spend with my family at Christmas versus their family. And she was upset that we were goign to my mothers house in the morning before coming to their house. She suggested that we come to their house at 10 am which would cut the time we would be at my mothers to about 30 minutes. It only a small part of an ongoing conflict and general feeling that his family does not like me. His mom has a tendency to call and say rather hurtful things, so about 2 months ago we went over to their house to discuss the issues and it became this big fight that we were attacking them.
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It's a very easy problem to solve. Have Christmas at your place and tell both families if they want to see you then come over. Otherwise you'll see them some other time.

I personally hate the holidays for all this forced spending time with families crap. All it seems to do for most people is add stress to their life.
 
dbzeag said:
We had to move my grandmother's things from her storage locker to nursing home to an apartment to another nursing home to her current nursing home (the original actually) all within 2 years. Granted it is not a whole household of stuff. I didn't get a dime. I got a guilt trip for not helping out with two of the moves instead.
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I got a guilt trip for not helping my sister and brother-in-law move from their old place to their current home. Didnt bother me. Had things to do and i couldnt exactly drop my plans.
My family is a call you at the last second and expect you to drop everything kind of family. Didnt bother me when i was single and didnt have anything to do, but ive got my own family now.
 
wonko80 said:
It's a very easy problem to solve. Have Christmas at your place and tell both families if they want to see you then come over. Otherwise you'll see them some other time.

I personally hate the holidays for all this forced spending time with families crap. All it seems to do for most people is add stress to their life.
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See that wouldn't work because his mother said that if we were having a party and my family was invited, not to invite them as they wouldn't come. I actually learned this when they called the day of my sons 1st birthday and said they weren't coming that we could just do something the next day. A few months later we had a 4th of July party and although his family all RSVP's only his father came over for a little bit.
 
HydroSqueegee said:
I got a guilt trip for not helping my sister and brother-in-law move from their old place to their current home. Didnt bother me. Had things to do and i couldnt exactly drop my plans.
My family is a call you at the last second and expect you to drop everything kind of family. Didnt bother me when i was single and didnt have anything to do, but ive got my own family now.
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Families suck :(
 
wonko80 said:
It's a very easy problem to solve. Have Christmas at your place and tell both families if they want to see you then come over. Otherwise you'll see them some other time.

I personally hate the holidays for all this forced spending time with families crap. All it seems to do for most people is add stress to their life.
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we COULD have christmas at our place... but it would be standig room only. Our place is much too small.

I like spending time with the families. I hardly ever see mine and it seems the only time we get together is birthdatys and holidays.
 
dbzeag said:
Families suck :(
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Meh. My sisters family is a bunch of Jocks (yes, they were the popular kids in school). So they are never home and at their kids sporting events all the time. So its hard to see them anytime other than holidays.

I like my family, i just never see them because its hard to get everyone together.
 
HifiGirly said:
See that wouldn't work because his mother said that if we were having a party and my family was invited, not to invite them as they wouldn't come. I actually learned this when they called the day of my sons 1st birthday and said they weren't coming that we could just do something the next day. A few months later we had a 4th of July party and although his family all RSVP's only his father came over for a little bit.
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Then they're the one's making the choice not to see you. The burden is off of you to worry about it.
 
HifiGirly said:
See that wouldn't work because his mother said that if we were having a party and my family was invited, not to invite them as they wouldn't come. I actually learned this when they called the day of my sons 1st birthday and said they weren't coming that we could just do something the next day. A few months later we had a 4th of July party and although his family all RSVP's only his father came over for a little bit.
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You're making his family sound not very nice. Families are so much fun.
 
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fly said:
You're making his family sound not very nice. Families are so much fun.
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my mom has all kinds of issues that stem from a spine issue. Shes in pain a lot of the time and this makes her lash out at people. Shes depressed, overmedicated, self esteem issues... etc. Shes a people person, but her issues have alienated her from friends and its affecting the family.
She says not nice things in an emotional rage and expects people go get over her comments in a timly manner (which i have learned to ignore).
She feels isolated in joint family events because my family is tiny compaired to my wifes. She says no one talks them and they feel awkward at these events. I was hopeing this was cured a couple weeks ago when they had a good ol time at our pumpkin carving party with both families.

My mom thinks Tish hates her and Tish thinks my mom hates her. Which isnt the case on either side. My mom may be nuts and says mean things from time to time, but thats just the way she is. You have to ignore her and move on.
 
HifiGirly said:
See that wouldn't work because his mother said that if we were having a party and my family was invited, not to invite them as they wouldn't come. I actually learned this when they called the day of my sons 1st birthday and said they weren't coming that we could just do something the next day. A few months later we had a 4th of July party and although his family all RSVP's only his father came over for a little bit.
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so basically what you are saying is that your husband's parents suck
 
Wonko's right on the gift thing. I think you need to let it go. However, I totally understand about the difficult inlaws. I have some. I love them, but sometimes I really don't like them. My mother-in-law has said some really hurtful things about me, but I've just had to learn to let it go.

I do make a point to tell her immediately when I don't like something she says or does that directly effects me. I just decided that it would be better if she understands me and I her, and the only way to do that was through brutal honesty. We've had our share of arguments, but it certainly is working better.

I hate confrontation like I've had to have with her, but in a way I suppose it has made me a stronger person because I've had to face that kind of situation. My suggestion to you is to tell her exactly what problems you have and don't sugar coat it. Keep telling her every time there is a problem, and do it immediately when the issue starts. Don't sit around and let it bother you for weeks or years before you bring it up. That's not healthy for anyone.
 
eileenbunny said:
My suggestion to you is to tell her exactly what problems you have and don't sugar coat it. Keep telling her every time there is a problem, and do it immediately when the issue starts. Don't sit around and let it bother you for weeks or years before you bring it up. That's not healthy for anyone.
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It's kinda like what Cesar says to do about dogs. Correct them before they have a chance to get to the next level. Either that or salt their lawn...
 
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