Male Bathroom manners

Onnotangu

Flaccid Member
Oct 13, 2004
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Detroit, MI USA
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[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw[/YOUTUBE]

Seriously folks How hard is it to learn to not talk during poopy time?

Work safe
 
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My internet sucks so I cant view the video but ive had my fair share of strange looks from people when I walk into toilets at a pub or some other fine establishment wearing a kilt and fairly a formal shirt/vest and just lifting all my shit up and going to town in the urinal.

Pooping is not an option when you wear a kilt, atleast, ive never tried it..
 
http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html

Also, there's this:

Restroom Etiquette Quiz
Men should ace this test ... women may have a little difficulty. There IS a code of "Restroom Etiquette" that MUST be followed.

The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample):

| | | x | | | x | (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | are occupied.)
-------------------------

You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you are to correctly stand. Good luck!
Easy Section
1.)

| | x | | x | | | (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

CORRECT ANSWER Explanation
6 It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.
2.)

| x | | | | | | (Urinal 1 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

CORRECT ANSWER Explanation
6 Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.
Kind of tricky Section
3.)

| | | | | | | (empty)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
--------------------------

CORRECT ANSWER Explanation
1 or 6 You are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."
4.)

| | x | | x | | x | (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

CORRECT ANSWER Explanation
1 You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium restrooms where the herd thunders in.
Subtle, tricky, but important to know Section
5.)

| | x | | | x | x | (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

CORRECT ANSWER Explanation
4 Believe it or not, 1 and 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice to say, only we men would understand!
VERY tricky indeed Section
6.)

| x | x | | | x | x | (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

CORRECT ANSWER Explanation
NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for god's sake! ... use a doored stall.
Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:

* NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
* I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is of the highest offense.
* NO Singing. Period.
* Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again".
 
I have alotta chinese engineers who find it convetinet to not use a kleenex and just spit into the urinal while peeing. which is kinda disturbing.

My only major issue is the minute people see me outside my locked office, they want to ask a tech question(I'm the local and only I.T. guy for my buildings).

you smucks can't wait till I'm outta the restroom to chat? noo gotta ask me about your dern dell problems while pooping. :rant:
 
My internet sucks so I cant view the video but ive had my fair share of strange looks from people when I walk into toilets at a pub or some other fine establishment wearing a kilt and fairly a formal shirt/vest and just lifting all my shit up and going to town in the urinal.

Pooping is not an option when you wear a kilt, atleast, ive never tried it..

Kilts are the fucking shit. You are now entitled to show of pics of you in a kilt.

Here are mine
http://www.msprotege.com/members/dbzeag/Personal/mini-CIMG0870.jpg
http://www.msprotege.com/members/dbzeag/Personal/mini-CIMG0874.jpg
http://www.msprotege.com/members/dbzeag/Personal/mini-DSC00042.jpg

Pooping in a kilt requires full undress of kilt, there is no other way around it. I usually hang it up on the hooks inside the door of the stall. You just have to be VERY careful to wipe very well. Since you don't necessarily wash kilts, poop stains would be very bad.

You should see the looks at the pub I get when I clang a beer bottle on my PA when I wear my kilt :fly:
 
An amendment should be that if you are talking with a team member or something like that, you should be at the same point of process. For instance, it would be rude to talk to someone while you are washing your hands and they are pooping, but it is ok if you are both pissing at a urinal.
 
PS, these rules are very similar if the guy is into women OR guys. Couples, however, can forgo the rules (a little) if in positions like 4, 5, or 6.
 
Kilts are the fucking shit. You are now entitled to show of pics of you in a kilt.

Here are mine
http://www.msprotege.com/members/dbzeag/Personal/mini-CIMG0870.jpg
http://www.msprotege.com/members/dbzeag/Personal/mini-CIMG0874.jpg
http://www.msprotege.com/members/dbzeag/Personal/mini-DSC00042.jpg

Pooping in a kilt requires full undress of kilt, there is no other way around it. I usually hang it up on the hooks inside the door of the stall. You just have to be VERY careful to wipe very well. Since you don't necessarily wash kilts, poop stains would be very bad.

You should see the looks at the pub I get when I clang a beer bottle on my PA when I wear my kilt :fly:

http://www.nevermoron.com/uploads/files/1/P3170036.JPG

Me on the far left, looking away from the camera. its the only pic I have of me in a kilt.

Im usually playing one of these though..

http://www.nevermoron.com/uploads/files/1/P3240052.JPG

And im usually wearing a kilt when im playing, obviously.
 
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This is why you never make number 2 unless you are at home. As for pissing, yeah who cares you are takin a leak. If I am pissing on the side of a car I will talk to the driver, its just piss, k?
 
This is why you never make number 2 unless you are at home. As for pissing, yeah who cares you are takin a leak. If I am pissing on the side of a car I will talk to the driver, its just piss, k?

Id think that if you were pissing on someones car, the driver would be more interested in kicking your ass than talking to you.
 
Id think that if you were pissing on someones car, the driver would be more interested in kicking your ass than talking to you.

Actually I was thinking about Saturday night when I made my buddy pull over so I could pee. Was talking through the window while peeing, nothing wrong with a friendly pee chat.
 
I had a coworker pat me on the shoulder whilst pissing. Creeped me out. I also hate it when dudes just walk into the bathroom and fart.

If someone is on the phone, I try to flush multiple times...