JOKES!!!

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."

John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
 
thrawn said:
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."

John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."

:lol: :lol:
 
I don't currently have any funny jokes. but a friend of mine filled me in on some new "pimp" lingo the other day.

Apparently this so-called "ho" had been acting up and not delivering the appropriate amount of money on time to her "pimp". This of course displeased the pimp who fervently yelled "Ho, give me the powdah!". The Ho complied by sprinkling baby powder on the pimp's "pimping hand" and was formally given five across the eye immediately after.

HO, GIVE ME THE POWDAH!!
 
thrawn said:
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."

John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
OMFG :lol:
 
BUBBLES, THIS ONE IS FOR YOU




Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?


Cause those guys already have boyfriends
 
thrawn said:
BUBBLES, THIS ONE IS FOR YOU




Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?


Cause those guys already have boyfriends

i take offense to that!!! :mad:

*edit* my boyfriends going to kick your ass
 
There was a sloth that had just been mugged by a group of snails. On the way to the police station, the officer started asking questions like they always do. The first question was what did the snails look like? The Sloth replied, "I don't remember it all happened so fast!"


so stupid :lol:
 
ChikkenNoodul said:
A testicular cancer patient sees a urologist to schedule an orchiectomy. The doctor tells him the operation will cost $4,000. The patient asks him if there's any way he can get a discount. The doctor answers, "well, I could do two for the price of one".


:(
 
ChikkenNoodul said:
A testicular cancer patient sees a urologist to schedule an orchiectomy. The doctor tells him the operation will cost $4,000. The patient asks him if there's any way he can get a discount. The doctor answers, "well, I could do two for the price of one".



THATS NOT A DISCOUNT
 
ChikkenNoodul said:
A testicular cancer patient sees a urologist to schedule an orchiectomy. The doctor tells him the operation will cost $4,000. The patient asks him if there's any way he can get a discount. The doctor answers, "well, I could do two for the price of one".


Something tells me this one really happened. :fly:
 
Old one:

A very handsome man visits a urologist, who happens to be a woman. The doctor falls instantly in love, and tells the patient to undress. After the patient has disrobed, the doctor starts fondling the patient's testicles. As she does this she says to the man, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," he says, "you're checking me for testicular cancer." "That's right," says the doctor. She then begins to rub his neck. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" she asks. "Yes," the man says, "you're checking my lymph nodes to see if they're swollen." "That's right," replies the doctor. She then climbs on top of his erect member and begins to have sex with him. She says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," he says. "You're getting herpes."
 
A man isn't feeling well, so he goes to see his doctor. The doctor examines him, and then asks to speak with his wife. The doctor tells his wife that her husband has cancer. The wife asks "can he be cured?". The doctor replies "there's a chance we can cure him with chemotherapy, but you will need to take care of him every day for the next year -- cooking all the meals, cleaning up the vomit, changing the bed pan, driving him to the hospital for daily treatments, and so on". When the wife comes out to the waiting room, the husband asks her what the doctor said. The wife answers "he said that you're going to die".