Petunia
COVID POSITIVE FOREVER
I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
^^^
This tweet killed me today
^^^
This tweet killed me today
Hawt Joke thread.
- Thread starter thintoast
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Petunia
COVID POSITIVE FOREVER
[hospital]
Mom: Our son's coma -
Dad: I know, it's time
Mom: Will you do it?
Dad: Yes
*draws dick on son's face*
Mom: *whispers* OWNED
Mom: Our son's coma -
Dad: I know, it's time
Mom: Will you do it?
Dad: Yes
*draws dick on son's face*
Mom: *whispers* OWNED
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues,
“That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues,
“That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Living in California, I get to hear about the drought we're currently in from everyone on the news, the neighbor, the people at work... Enough already. I'm well aware.
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