Joke Clearing House

zengoat said:
My brother told me to post that. I should just make him register here... but then there are idiots like you who would bring up genmay shit and that's no good for anyone.

OH JOKES ON MEEE
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You know, if you are going to keep throwing these thinly veiled insults at me, I might just stop playing neutral.

Besides, moron, no genmay shit is being brought up in this thread except by you, so quit playing drama mama and trying to make it all about you yet again.
 
dick.jpg
 
Dharma1521 said:
lol I saw that today. I was going to post it for Mikey because it was nerdy and I didn't get it so I know he would like it.
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it's the limit of a series. if every person ordered half as much as the previous person and ran that to infinity it would equal ~2
 
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck... get the fuck away from me."
 
A woman was in a coma in the hospital with her husband and doctor at her side. The man leaned in to kiss her and brushed her boob. This made the unconscious woman moan. The doctor had an idea. "Touch her vag and see what happens." The man did this and the woman moaned even louder and even moved a little. The doctor was amazed. He then told the man, "I'll step out for a bit. You should try some oral sex with your wife and see if that brings even better results."

The doctor steps out for awhile. About an hour later, the doctor returns to find the man sobbing and the other doctors and nurses pronouncing the woman dead and cleaning up the room. The doctor rushes to the man and asks, "What the hell happened?" The man said, "I did what you said to do but, I think she choked."
 
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A man was at the doctors office for a physical. The doctor tells the man, "I'm sorry to tell you this but, you're going to have to stop masturbating."

The man was shocked. "Why?!?!" he exclaimed.

The doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
 
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician were on a train and had just crossed into Scotland. The engineer looked out of the window and noted "Look -- Scottish sheep are black!" The physicist said, "no, no -- some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician shook his head and said, "At this moment in Scotland there exists at least one field, on which there is at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."
 
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress... The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
 
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does itwork?" The graduate with an Business degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" And the worker with the GED says "I fixed it, it's working."
 
Ask any Nebraska fan what the 'N' on the cornhuskers helmet means, and they will tell you, with a joyful gleam of pride in their eye...

'Knowledge'
 
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