Ontopic Jesus thinks youre an a-hole

Top Hat

Flaccid Member
Nov 23, 2010
Are you aware that you have an immortal soul and whether you believe in it or not heaven and hell do in fact exist. If you were to die right now, would you go to heaven or suffer the eternal damnation of hell? You may think it is funny now to make fun of the concept, but what if you were to die tomorrow and were sent to hell, where you burn for all of eternity, never dying, constantly in pain.
Fortunately there is a way out of this tradegy, but you only have one chance in which to seize it. Jesus died for your sins, and if you accept him as your lord and savior, he will forgive you.
Also, you'll need to have a baseless hate for Jews, Arabs, Catholics, Homosexuals, liberals, foreigners, the poor(unless it is a holiday), Democrats, those that have sex before marriage, abortion advocates, Feminists, Blacks(not required, but bonus points for it), and especially atheists, science, basically anyone who doesn't agree with you is working for the devil and should rot in hell unlike you who are going to heaven.

If you do these things, you shall go to heaven and receive your eternal reward. You can spend the rest of eternity singing praises to him. Song after song after song after song.


Erect Member
Nov 22, 2004
Savannah, GA
Organized religion isn't really for me but if it helps some person make it through the shit life can through at you and they don't try to force it down my throat then they can believe in any deity they want.

I have my own beliefs and my own relationship with my god and no money hungry preacher in a dusty building will ever be able to talk to my god better than me.


A Taste Of Honey Fluff Boy
Mar 28, 2005
My god is pumpkin pie. I know it sounds weird, but I just cant get enough of the stuff. You can even have sex with it.