January Gym Rant


Flaccid Member
Oct 29, 2004
It's that time of the year again. The time of the year where the gym is suddenly crowded with people in brand-spanking-new gym clothes, cranking away on the leg and abs machines, and eating "super ultra mega hyper diet" granola bars.

They spend more time talking, watching TV, reading books, or playing with their ipodophonetouchurselfsensep3 player than they do actually moving anything around. They shuffle over to the scales expecting miraculous results (for their 10 minutes of real effort), only to be crushed when their starting weight (which they took at the beginning of their "work out" of course) hasn't changed at all.

Honestly, I almost feel sorry for them. It's really not hard to get into and stay in shape. You watch what you eat, get some reasonable amount of exercise each day, and BAM! your body will respond. But they all give up after a couple of weeks (an event that I secretly look forward to, because it will mean I get some peace and quiet in the gym again), because it doesn't happen overnight like they think it should.

One woman who's been showing up for the last week, and could only be described as "morbidly obese", comes in the gym and checks her weight, then proceeds to wander around aimlessly looking at the equipment for 15 minutes while drinking water and munching on snacks. Eventually she runs out of things to eat and actually starts to work out, or at least she moves around a little bit more. She'll get on the leg extensions machines and bang out 3 reps at 50lbs, finishing off the set with a noise that sounds more like a bored "sigh" than anything else. Then she heads back over to the scale for her reward, which I guess the fact that she doesn't weigh MORE than she did when she started could be considered a reward. I wonder why she even bothered to show up. My guess is she'll be gone by Friday.

Eat right.

Work out.

Earn your body.

Or don't, I don't care. Just stay out of my way.
I did say something to that effect, except I didn't have the time to write out a long rant. Pretty much summed up in one statement: GET OFF MY LAWN.
I have a brand new gym in my basement. you're welcome to it. I do floor shit as well. pushups, stomach crunches...
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I want to join a gym. Instead fly and I are doing floor routines.

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