I think I've been around an unusual amount of death in my lifetime. I've had 7 friends die in car accidents, one murdered friend, and 2 friends commit suicide. Of course I've also had the occassional relative die as well, but most of old age. I've watched two people die. It gives a different perspective.
Both of these people looked panic stricken. I always wonder what they were thinking. Neither said anything. It wasn't like in the movies where people go peacefully or they say something profound. My dad was having seizures and clawing at his head, and he looked like he was in horrible, unimaginable pain. Then he became unconscious and died. I wonder what he thought about during those last few moments of consciousness. I wonder if he even knew we were there. I wonder if that made it worse for him.
I like to try to remember the good times though. Remembering the day he died is a recipe for depression and anxiety. Although my dad was only 60, it was a different experience than having a friend die.
When my first friend died I was 14. Meeting mortality like that wasn't something I was pleased about. We were playing football and then, wham, he was dead. I don't even think he had time to process it at all. His last thoughts were probably something like "Go long!" I guess it's better that way. I'd like to die suddenly with no warning or in my sleep.
I also don't want people that care about me to be crippled with grief or anything, but we all want that and it doesn't really always work that way. Losing someone you care about changes your life, no doubt about it. There's always a void, always unanswered questions, always things you wish you had said or had time to do, and always acceptance. What other choice do we have?