It was a dark and stormy night...

fly

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...and theac cursed the torrents of rain as he stepped out of his brand new Mary-Kay Cadillac to change the flat tire. If only he wouldn't have passed out and crossed that median in the construction zone. If only he would have stayed the night with him. If only his wife didn't require him home when the street lights were on. If only he really knew how to change a fucking tire! So many ifs, and none of them mattered. Drunk with love and the stench of drool-boy, nothing mattered.

As the first lugnut popped off, he replayed in his mind drool's nut popping off in his ass. In fact, he could still feel some of it dripping out into his fruit of the looms. He started to dip his hand back there to catch it, when out of no where some headlights appeared. A savior! A good thread! A fast forum! Someone who might be able to change a tire, maybe his wife! He quickly got back into the vehicle to put on some makeup.

As the approaching vehicle slowed, theac saw that it was a tractor trailer. Coming to a stop, he shuddered at the company logo he saw in his rearview mirror. It said two simple words, ELPMIS FUCKING. His heart dropped. He thought, "would elpmis make one final joke about me not being funny before executing some hobo cock romp or whatever the fuck he called it???" :omy: Theac got out of his car slowly and was relieved to see the sign said SIMPLE TRUCKING. In a panic and another dribble of semen leaking out of his anus, he didn't transpose the letters in his rearview mirror properly. WHEW

The door to the big rig opened. Half expecting Large Marge or some other weird PeeWee Herman shit to jump out to make the night complete, he was shocked to see...
 
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smileynev

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...fat burger tumble out of the truck, falling in a heap of gelitenous fat and goo.

"Hey fatty, you know how to change a...?" theac began to say.

But, before he could finish, the passenger side door opened and out stepped an attractive young brunette in a white leather mini skirt and vale.

"Hello there eh, can you help my poor husband get up" she said to the stunned theac.

"Whats that ma'am, I didn't understand a word of it. I don't speak fucking Canadian ya damn commie biznitch"
 

simple

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... The young Canadian girl introduced herself as Sarah, but said it was spelled with silent M in front of the S.

"Yeah, my parents were retarded" she said with a half grin.

"Here, meet my husband, he won't get up and I'm talking about his cock"

Theac had worked as a gay porn fluffer only once in highschool, but he wasn't very efficient.

"Hey there buddy", said the husband, "my name is elpmis, but I guess you could call me helpmis as in helpmis with my penis" the old man laughed.

Elpmis continued to blabble, "Hey there, before you start anything I've got another joke for you all and it's not about theac being funny".

Theac looked impatient.

"Okay now what do you call a non funny forum admin".

Theac was really impatient now ... so impatient he tripped ...
 
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smileynev

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..theac slowly got up from the ground. He must have stumbled and tripped after talking to the Canadian woman.

"I had the strangest fucking dream that made no fucking sense whatsoever," he told miss canada and her rotund husband.
 

simple

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... The young Canadian girl introduced herself as Sarah, but said it was spelled with silent M in front of the S.

"Yeah, my parents were retarded" she said with a half grin.

"Here, meet my husband, he won't get up and I'm talking about his cock"

"Wait wait wait, holy shit this is excatly what happened in my dream!" said theac, scratching his head

"Shit though, in my dream I had a full head of hair"
 
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smileynev

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..."and you were naked...?"

"Like this?" the hot canadian temptress said as she dropped her clothes, revealing smooth alabaster skin and curves in all the right areas.

"Not you you fucking pinko loving moose eating horse fucker, him" pointed theac at the still prone and blubbering fat burger lying on the road.
 

simple

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...Fat Burger had tight rippling muscles, a reminder to on-lookers of his past days as an all american football star for his local highschool. He slowly got up from what looked like an accident that had sent him flying to the ground.

"I was having sex with this road kill deer for about 30 minutes" said Fatburger

"And it would have been longer if this bald motherfucker hadn't run over my toe with his flat tire"
 
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smileynev

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..."I am so gonna fuck you in the ass baldy" fat burger moaned as he walked closer to theac, "I'm gonna fuck you till your balls and blue and your dick as banging against your own forehead.."

"damn," theacoustician said,"Even my wife doesn't fuck me that hard. At least, I don't think she does. Maybe I'll ask the postman, he would know. Or the gardener. Or the neighbor. Or the neighbor's kid. Or the neighbors lab..."
 

simple

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... Fatburger ripped off his Wrangler jeans and grabbed theac at the waist while he was still listing the multiple people Pandora had been sleeping with;

"The church youth group, my cousin's soccer team, my cousin, the guy that cuts my cousin's lawn, Pete, everyone at work, everyone at Morgan Stanley that does our work's payroll"

"What the fuck? Shut up and let me hate fuck you!" screamed Fatburger

"Hey guys, does anyone want this last Handi-Snack?" ask elpmis, still watching the action
 
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smileynev

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...outstepped office desslock in full uniform.

"What in the fuck are you crackas doing out here? We don't let none of this shit go on around here..." he trailed off as he caught a glimpse of the naked Canadian chick standing by the truck.

"Hey there ma'am, are these men bothering you. Do you need some help?"

"No sir,"she replied, batting her eyes," its just a wee bit cold out here, eh?"

"I don't know what the fuck you just said, but I hope you like the chocolate thunder.."
 

fly

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It was then that a glow came from Desslock's direction. It was as if the heavens had opened, but it was really his pants. Out came 12 hard inches of Mississippi black snake. The fucking stopped. The rain stopped. The breathing stopped as everyone took in his manhood.

"YOu build that thing out of legos?", said theac

"Nah, that looks like a damn horse cock," Fatburger replied.

The Canadian chick sounded off, *gargled foreign words*

"OMG, His big dick is in her mouth!"
 

simple

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... "okay though, seriously guys", elpmis insisted on continuing his original joke, "what do you call an forum admin that isn't funny at all"?

"I don't know, what?" Asked theac

"you don't call him anything because he'll never read the fucking post, now let me get some of that huge cock there too bitch"