I need your help.

Sarcasmo

A Taste Of Honey Fluff Boy
Mar 28, 2005
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Austin
My bi-polar didn't kick in until I was in my early 20s. I had no clue what had changed in my world but nothing felt right and my relationships with a lot of friends just went down the drain as my world came unglued. It took a good while to get a handle on things because I didn't understand what had changed.

How did your bipolar get diagnosed? What were your symptoms, exactly?
 

Thorn Bird

Forum Mom
May 24, 2005
14,764
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i've given you my thoughts. i give you my support. and i will give you a hug one day, IRL, because i love you and you and i are so much alike. i admire you for facing this head-on, because it's the asshole's way, and you will win. because you are an asshole, of course. ;)

there are times where you can run through life, and so much passes by you that you just don't see because it's insignificant, and you are strong.

then there are times where you can't even lift up your head to see past this very day. or this hour. this is it for you. so focus on those feet, and watch them take one.step.at.a.time. eventually, you will be able to think about two steps at a time. and then you'll be able to look up to the end of the driveway...and watch yourself make it there. and one day, kind of like waking up from a dream, you'll realize that you've collected a normal pace again...but with a much greater appreciation for all that's beside you.

and one day. you will realize how fortunate you are to have a second chance at life. to have fresh eyes after a nightmare coma.

you are very smart. you are extremely creative. you are passionate. you are loving. and you will gain an intriguing, healthy perspective from this one day. much like eileen up there. and fuck it...just like me.

but for now, focus on breathing. focus on sleeping. and if you can't even do that, hand over your focusing to the ones around you who love you most and know you the best and who can do it for you. this, my dear, is you, on the very edge of a diving board, backwards, still standing on it by just your toes. you can fall, or you can fall. but what you fall WITH is up to you. you can have fear, or you can have trust. take a deep breath, tell the fear to fuck off, close your eyes, and take your trust fall. the control is no longer yours. but your eyes will open with new depth, and you will be able to control how you apply that to your fresh life.

you fucking just beat death. you're certainly going to beat fear, too.
 
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Dory Berkowitz-Bukowski

Ready for some Heroin
Oct 15, 2004
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How did your bipolar get diagnosed? What were your symptoms, exactly?

I was diagnosed years ago but I've had a lot to drink since then so I can't remember exactly when. I can't even remember why I was diagnosed as bipolar to be honest. I was in the same state as you are - staring at walls for hours. I used to cry all day for no reason. I wasn't particularly suicidal but I felt pretty empty and could barely talk, fairly catatonic I suppose.

Periods like that are pretty dark but if you're prone to them you get somewhat used to it. It never gets better, everything does seem hollow and black but at least once you've been through it enough times you know it will sometime soon end and you won't feel that way. I've been low as hell recently and it's only in the past few days that I've perked up any. The only way I get through feelings like this (and sometimes somewhat suicidal/insane thoughts) is with some emotional support from people who love me and people who are willing to help pick me up when I'm down. Quite often I just give up completely looking after myself, I don't eat, clean, put effort into my appearance etc. because I have no energy to do it or any inclination. Having a friend come over and bring dinner or have coffee can help tremendously. Over years I've forced myself to get out the house even though it's the last thing I want to do because I know at the end I'll reap benefits. People who love you won't mind you being low, won't mind you sitting in a room being quiet and no fun - that's what they're there for.

You should definitely see a doctor and decide what it best for you. I've been prescribed quite a few meds recently but I've never managed to take any for more than a week, they make me feel more mad than before and I don't like questioning my head and reality etc. For me some therapy would probably be best, whether that's just talking to friends or to a professional but you need to find some way of getting help for when these situations arise. Often this will just be a llifelong thing just like any other medical illness, you need to find the right medicine for you as it isn't an exact science :heart:

If you wanted to talk sometime I'm always here man and I know how you're feeling. :)
 

JAXvillain

Curly_Sue
Oct 13, 2004
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I was diagnosed years ago but I've had a lot to drink since then so I can't remember exactly when. I can't even remember why I was diagnosed as bipolar to be honest. I was in the same state as you are - staring at walls for hours. I used to cry all day for no reason. I wasn't particularly suicidal but I felt pretty empty and could barely talk, fairly catatonic I suppose.

Periods like that are pretty dark but if you're prone to them you get somewhat used to it. It never gets better, everything does seem hollow and black but at least once you've been through it enough times you know it will sometime soon end and you won't feel that way. I've been low as hell recently and it's only in the past few days that I've perked up any. The only way I get through feelings like this (and sometimes somewhat suicidal/insane thoughts) is with some emotional support from people who love me and people who are willing to help pick me up when I'm down. Quite often I just give up completely looking after myself, I don't eat, clean, put effort into my appearance etc. because I have no energy to do it or any inclination. Having a friend come over and bring dinner or have coffee can help tremendously. Over years I've forced myself to get out the house even though it's the last thing I want to do because I know at the end I'll reap benefits. People who love you won't mind you being low, won't mind you sitting in a room being quiet and no fun - that's what they're there for.

You should definitely see a doctor and decide what it best for you. I've been prescribed quite a few meds recently but I've never managed to take any for more than a week, they make me feel more mad than before and I don't like questioning my head and reality etc. For me some therapy would probably be best, whether that's just talking to friends or to a professional but you need to find some way of getting help for when these situations arise. Often this will just be a llifelong thing just like any other medical illness, you need to find the right medicine for you as it isn't an exact science :heart:

If you wanted to talk sometime I'm always here man and I know how you're feeling. :)

I thought that was the norm for teenage girls? sarc may have a butterfly fetish but I'm pretty sure he's an adult dude.
 

Dory Berkowitz-Bukowski

Ready for some Heroin
Oct 15, 2004
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I thought that was the norm for teenage girls? sarc may have a butterfly fetish but I'm pretty sure he's an adult dude.

You may have dementia from drinking too much or whatever but I've not been a teenage girl for a while now. I'm sure eileen or b_sinning would appreciate similar berating of their mental states though so maybe you should try them too. :)
 

JAXvillain

Curly_Sue
Oct 13, 2004
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you were a teenager 5 minutes ago and I was only joking. the majority of bipolar cases don't set in until adulthood as well.
lighten up, francis.
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
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Sorry, I'm still giggling that nemo said she hasn't been a teen for a while now.

Just about two years? Loloolllollllipop
 

Sarcasmo

A Taste Of Honey Fluff Boy
Mar 28, 2005
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Austin
I'm going with the psychologist over the psychiatrist. I don't want drugs. Even if they help in the short term. I would rather come to terms with what is really bothering me and vocalize all of that...whatever it is. Work through it and deal with it. I haven't eaten for three days, and I've slept for three hours during that same period. That was last night on the sofa, and I think it's because I had a good conversation about my kiddo with his mom on the phone, which soothed me a bit. I'm still a nutcase though, and people at work are starting to notice. They're expressing friendly concern and talking to me, but I can't risk another episode like yesterday so I've got to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. I have a therapy session over lunch today. 1 hour.

At least I will probably lose some weight from all of this. Sitting on your butt for two months isn't good for your physique.
 

tre

My favorite chef is Mike Rowave
Oct 15, 2004
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igloo
talking about it is amazing, trust me. to understand that your feelings and concerns are okay definitely makes you feel good. good luck!
 

Dory Berkowitz-Bukowski

Ready for some Heroin
Oct 15, 2004
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Damon :heart:

It's good you've managed to get a lunchtime session so quickly, that's good and keep up informed if you can. I'd like to know if it helps you out. :)

With regards to eating and sleeping you really should get on top of at least one of those even if it seems like the hardest thing in the world to do. Not eating or sleeping well will make you feel 10 times worse than you would be otherwise. I'd suggest eating a banana and forcing yourself to cook a healthy vegetable-orientated meal tonight even when all you want to do is sit down.

When I find myself physically and mentally incapable of getting up or doing anything I usually lie for a bit and then in my head I'll keep repeating 'get up bitch' to myself until it frustrates me enough for me to actually get up to make it stop.

Do you have any friends who can come round? Recently when I didn't want to cook or feed myself I'll ask my boyfriend to just come and chat to/at me while I'm in the kitchen and it makes it much easier.
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
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Yeah everyone here is OLD!!! (not).

Bit of a difference between a typical 13 year old childish girl and someone who is 19 but whatever.

Not for the sake of arguing, but Six years isn't much.

You're still the baby of the forum, Carys! :)
 

Dory Berkowitz-Bukowski

Ready for some Heroin
Oct 15, 2004
40,831
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Not for the sake of arguing, but Six years isn't much.

You're still the baby of the forum, Carys! :)

Yeah, the forum with around 30 active members if that. Fuck.

And yes I'm the youngest member, so what? I don't think it's funny to laugh at someones age more than I do to laugh at someone about their skin colour, gender or sexuality, it's not something you can 'fix'.

I'm in a shitty mood today.

Also let's leave shit out this thread, it's Damons'.
 

JAXvillain

Curly_Sue
Oct 13, 2004
68,330
1,717
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I'm going with the psychologist over the psychiatrist. I don't want drugs. Even if they help in the short term. I would rather come to terms with what is really bothering me and vocalize all of that...whatever it is. Work through it and deal with it. I haven't eaten for three days, and I've slept for three hours during that same period. That was last night on the sofa, and I think it's because I had a good conversation about my kiddo with his mom on the phone, which soothed me a bit. I'm still a nutcase though, and people at work are starting to notice. They're expressing friendly concern and talking to me, but I can't risk another episode like yesterday so I've got to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. I have a therapy session over lunch today. 1 hour.

At least I will probably lose some weight from all of this. Sitting on your butt for two months isn't good for your physique.

hope it goes well my friend