I hit a new low last night...

J

jaxxor

Guest
I was over at grannyjaxxor's house where I stay off and on to watch football. She naps in the afternoons and likes me to hang around, and I like football, so it works out.

While digging through my liquor cabinet I found a bottle of Stoli 100 proof vodka that I'd stashed and forgotten about. Well, this was like Xmas came early! I congratulated myself on my find, and began drinking it up.

About halfway through Malcom In The Middle things started getting murky. I needed to go outside and have a smoke, but walking was out of the question. I poured myself off the couch and began crawling towards the door, unlit Kamel in one hand, Zippo in the other.

Halfway to the door I banged my head into a chair. Jebus! I couldn't even do the watermellon crawl! :mad: I rolled over onto my back and lost consciousness and reason. At some point I heard the Simpsons theme come on, but I couldn't make it back to the couch. I know that I missed the Simpsons, Arrested Development, and Sunday night football, but I can't remember what I was doing. Reconstructing the night, I found that I'd smoked a quarter of the cig and let the rest burn to ash on the porch, and at some point I went to bed.

My only hope is that grannyjaxxor didn't walk in and see me passed out on her living room floor.

Cliff's: I humped a beagle.
 
J

jaxxor

Guest
Coqui said:
So why do people say I should go get drunk now?

because it's fun! one time I woke up with leaves in my hair and one of my shoes was at the end of the driveway.

yeah, that's right. I drink alone and forget stuff. :fly:
 
S

smileynev

Guest
Its a lot more fun when stuff like that happens without drinking.
 

fly

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jaxxor said:
I was over at grannyjaxxor's house where I stay off and on to watch football. She naps in the afternoons and likes me to hang around, and I like football, so it works out.

While digging through my liquor cabinet I found a bottle of Stoli 100 proof vodka that I'd stashed and forgotten about. Well, this was like Xmas came early! I congratulated myself on my find, and began drinking it up.

About halfway through Malcom In The Middle things started getting murky. I needed to go outside and have a smoke, but walking was out of the question. I poured myself off the couch and began crawling towards the door, unlit Kamel in one hand, Zippo in the other.

Halfway to the door I banged my head into a chair. Jebus! I couldn't even do the watermellon crawl! :mad: I rolled over onto my back and lost consciousness and reason. At some point I heard the Simpsons theme come on, but I couldn't make it back to the couch. I know that I missed the Simpsons, Arrested Development, and Sunday night football, but I can't remember what I was doing. Reconstructing the night, I found that I'd smoked a quarter of the cig and let the rest burn to ash on the porch, and at some point I went to bed.

My only hope is that grannyjaxxor didn't walk in and see me passed out on her living room floor.

Cliff's: I humped a beagle.
cliffs > story :fly:

Was the beagle named dalilah?
 

fly

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jaxxor said:
because it's fun! one time I woke up with leaves in my hair and one of my shoes was at the end of the driveway.

yeah, that's right. I drink alone and forget stuff. :fly:
Isn't drinking alone one of the si...

never mind. Proceed with the stories. :heart:
 
S

smileynev

Guest
ChikkenNoodul said:
It is, but then you don't have the convenient excuse: "Er, ah, well ah, I was drunk at the er, ah time"
Yeah, but....wow that chick in the ad up top is hot.
 
J

jaxxor

Guest
Onnotangu said:
no it means grandma is a lush
grannyjaxxor has a glass of wine about once a month.

I'm the one that goes out and hits on 43 year old women at Downing St. Pub while tanked on gin.
 
J

jaxxor

Guest
fly said:
cliffs > story :fly:

Was the beagle named dalilah?
I make it a point to never remember their names.

And yeah, I kind of upstaged my story with the cliffs :fly:
 
V

Viremia

Guest
damn!! :mad:

I was hoping that story would end with your grandmother pregnant :(