FYI I have decided to follow Satan

Lambie

Norse Code Vagenda
Apr 16, 2016
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I pooped my pants today. The alcohol made me lose all control of my bowels. The smell was less than pleasant.

As I was lying there in the gutter choking on the regurgitated remains of a questionable kebab I had somehow managed to buy earlier, and desperately trying to dig the non-solid feces out of my cheap supermarket boxershorts, a fallen angel appeared before me. And he said unto me "Lo, behold, for I am Lucifer, the bringer of light, the morning star, Serpent of Eve."

And I was like, "Brocephus, you could not have picked a worse time, I've got a bit of a situation going on here. Are we really gonna do this right now?".

And so the fallen angel looked upon me with compassion (at least I think that's what it was) and uttered: "Child of man, sweet sinner, I am but one lie in many, for there are many of us. Will you fail in choosing me as your guidance?", and I was like "Yeah, whatever, I'll follow you to the end of time and existence if you'll just leave me the fuck alone. I've got shit to do and places to be. Well not really, but this is fucking embarrasing. So verily, I guess. Whatever".

Then some dude drove by in an old Ford Sierra honking his horn, the fallen one disappeared, and I miraculously got back on my feet and walked home, so I suppose I'm a disciple of Satan now.

Not the worst thursday night I've had.
 
I pooped my pants today. The alcohol made me lose all control of my bowels. The smell was less than pleasant.

As I was lying there in the gutter choking on the regurgitated remains of a questionable kebab I had somehow managed to buy earlier, and desperately trying to dig the non-solid feces out of my cheap supermarket boxershorts, a fallen angel appeared before me. And he said unto me "Lo, behold, for I am Lucifer, the bringer of light, the morning star, Serpent of Eve."

And I was like, "Brocephus, you could not have picked a worse time, I've got a bit of a situation going on here. Are we really gonna do this right now?".

And so the fallen angel looked upon me with compassion (at least I think that's what it was) and uttered: "Child of man, sweet sinner, I am but one lie in many, for there are many of us. Will you fail in choosing me as your guidance?", and I was like "Yeah, whatever, I'll follow you to the end of time and existence if you'll just leave me the fuck alone. I've got shit to do and places to be. Well not really, but this is fucking embarrasing. So verily, I guess. Whatever".

Then some dude drove by in an old Ford Sierra honking his horn, the fallen one disappeared, and I miraculously got back on my feet and walked home, so I suppose I'm a disciple of Satan now.

Not the worst thursday night I've had.
This is bullshit, you don't have supermarkets.
 
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True story. Do you question my religious experience?

I've unintentionally shit my pants before. Most recently just last week. I've intentionally shit them even more recent than that. Does that count?
 
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I believe there was a reason I shat my pants, so that The Horned One could bestow upon me his magnificence and glory. There was a plan.

You should respect that.
 
I believe there was a reason I shat my pants, so that The Horned One could bestow upon me his magnificence and glory. There was a plan.

You should respect that.

I think it was because I was so fucked up I couldn't feel my own asshole. Either that or I was so fucked up I couldn't feel my own asshole and I wanted to drive other people away from me because I didn't want to deal with them at the time.
 
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This is 100% valid. Without Satan, the glory of Jesus is diminished.
Without assholes who follow the prince of Darkness, there can be no salvation in the Lord.
I celebrate your choice, Lambie. You were already too far gone for the Prince of Peace.

See, Nukes gets it. This is for you:

 
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Was gonna point out now is the time all the judicious, work-a-day Americans are in bed, studiously creating more wealth for their overlords, and whatever fucked up shit we say won't get noticed until tomorrow or the next day depending where you're at. As far as I can decipher, "wetback" is a no-no but terms such as "gyp'd" and "high yella" are free to fly (all terms used within a week's time period that received zero blowback). It's probably just because those are obviously inferior peoples and it's OK to use derogatory terms when referencing them.

It can be a bit confusing but it seems to come down to which group you're demeaning as to whether or not it's OK. It'd be nice if everybody just treated everybody like regular folk but that ain't gonna happen with this bunch, small hairless boy sex being a matter of course and all.
 
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