I pooped my pants today. The alcohol made me lose all control of my bowels. The smell was less than pleasant.
As I was lying there in the gutter choking on the regurgitated remains of a questionable kebab I had somehow managed to buy earlier, and desperately trying to dig the non-solid feces out of my cheap supermarket boxershorts, a fallen angel appeared before me. And he said unto me "Lo, behold, for I am Lucifer, the bringer of light, the morning star, Serpent of Eve."
And I was like, "Brocephus, you could not have picked a worse time, I've got a bit of a situation going on here. Are we really gonna do this right now?".
And so the fallen angel looked upon me with compassion (at least I think that's what it was) and uttered: "Child of man, sweet sinner, I am but one lie in many, for there are many of us. Will you fail in choosing me as your guidance?", and I was like "Yeah, whatever, I'll follow you to the end of time and existence if you'll just leave me the fuck alone. I've got shit to do and places to be. Well not really, but this is fucking embarrasing. So verily, I guess. Whatever".
Then some dude drove by in an old Ford Sierra honking his horn, the fallen one disappeared, and I miraculously got back on my feet and walked home, so I suppose I'm a disciple of Satan now.
Not the worst thursday night I've had.
As I was lying there in the gutter choking on the regurgitated remains of a questionable kebab I had somehow managed to buy earlier, and desperately trying to dig the non-solid feces out of my cheap supermarket boxershorts, a fallen angel appeared before me. And he said unto me "Lo, behold, for I am Lucifer, the bringer of light, the morning star, Serpent of Eve."
And I was like, "Brocephus, you could not have picked a worse time, I've got a bit of a situation going on here. Are we really gonna do this right now?".
And so the fallen angel looked upon me with compassion (at least I think that's what it was) and uttered: "Child of man, sweet sinner, I am but one lie in many, for there are many of us. Will you fail in choosing me as your guidance?", and I was like "Yeah, whatever, I'll follow you to the end of time and existence if you'll just leave me the fuck alone. I've got shit to do and places to be. Well not really, but this is fucking embarrasing. So verily, I guess. Whatever".
Then some dude drove by in an old Ford Sierra honking his horn, the fallen one disappeared, and I miraculously got back on my feet and walked home, so I suppose I'm a disciple of Satan now.
Not the worst thursday night I've had.