Step 1 : Get drunk before you start and have someone who distracts you severely. At least 1 bottle of wine is recommended, 2 is optimal.
Note: If you can find someone who distracts while touching you .. this works best.
Step 2 : Turn stove eye to H and let oil start to burn, do not turn oil down at any cost. Do not attempt to use a Fry Daddy, you slacker!
Step 3 : Throw at least 2 shrimp in oil, make sure they do not stay close together as you do this.
Step 4 : Ignore that "oh no it's burning" thought as it crosses your mind, for at least 10 seconds .. go on and leave that shrimp on the stove a few more seconds after it strikes you and you react .. until it starts to smoke really good. Take the two burnt shrimp out and throw 2 more in.
Step 5 : Using a rubbery, plastic spoon to scoop the shrimps out of the insanely hot oil that is now smoking and spattering everywhere is highly recommended. Come on, live a little! If you do this correctly, you will have plastic coated shrimp. What better way to remember your hotel stay experience than with plastic coated shrimp. They will never rot.
What? Uh, how could they .. they are encased in PLASTIC you tard! Quit asking silly questions and keep reading!
Note: it helps to have someone else pick out the spoon at the store. A person who can ignore the several shiny, metal ones hanging beside the plastic ones. You need to hand pick this individual carefully. They are detrimental to this lesson. This way you are not tempted to grab the shiny, metal, non melting spoon yourself. Cas, seriously, what fun would that be?!?
Step 6 : As the fire alarm finally starts to go off, have someone take the battery out as you wave the boiling/smoking pan of oil around in the bathroom. Because this will help spread the smoke around to areas that have no air flow. Thus trapping it successfully inside the hotel room for hours.
GOAL!
Step 7 : Cursing and laughing at the same time helps the smoke dissipate. Ok it really doesn't but it's more funny if you do this.
Note: Do NOT omit step 7 under penalty of law. The Shrimp Cooking in Hotels law!
Step 8 : Opening the hotel window might seem like a good idea, but why bother. Shrimp is tasty, why not have all your clothes smell like it. MMM All the cool kids are doing it. You should TOO!
He likes it, he really likes it .. Mikey likes it!
Ok, Ok, OK .. open the god damned window then. Jeeze! Fucking pansies! I swear to god.
Step 9 : Drink some more before trying again. 3 glasses of wine may seem like too many, after having had a whole bottle before starting. Just ignore that logic rattling around in your brain .. it has no clue how to have fun .. drink up!
I mean seriously, the oil does need to cool off a bit. This will pass your time more efficiently. If you can pull this off, you will be considered a high ranking multi-tasker.
Step 10 : Take pictures of your shrimp debauchery .. and post it on the internet. So other people can laugh .. at or with you . Who cares which one it is .. this shit is fun. I'm sure the neighbors enjoyed all the shrieking laughter and smoke coming from your room!!!
This has concluded your how to NOT cook shrimp in a hotel room lesson for today. Stay tuned for more how top NOT cook things in hotel rooms lessons .. brought to you by Jennie and Mikey.
Ciao
Note: If you can find someone who distracts while touching you .. this works best.
Step 2 : Turn stove eye to H and let oil start to burn, do not turn oil down at any cost. Do not attempt to use a Fry Daddy, you slacker!
Step 3 : Throw at least 2 shrimp in oil, make sure they do not stay close together as you do this.
Step 4 : Ignore that "oh no it's burning" thought as it crosses your mind, for at least 10 seconds .. go on and leave that shrimp on the stove a few more seconds after it strikes you and you react .. until it starts to smoke really good. Take the two burnt shrimp out and throw 2 more in.
Step 5 : Using a rubbery, plastic spoon to scoop the shrimps out of the insanely hot oil that is now smoking and spattering everywhere is highly recommended. Come on, live a little! If you do this correctly, you will have plastic coated shrimp. What better way to remember your hotel stay experience than with plastic coated shrimp. They will never rot.
What? Uh, how could they .. they are encased in PLASTIC you tard! Quit asking silly questions and keep reading!
Note: it helps to have someone else pick out the spoon at the store. A person who can ignore the several shiny, metal ones hanging beside the plastic ones. You need to hand pick this individual carefully. They are detrimental to this lesson. This way you are not tempted to grab the shiny, metal, non melting spoon yourself. Cas, seriously, what fun would that be?!?
Step 6 : As the fire alarm finally starts to go off, have someone take the battery out as you wave the boiling/smoking pan of oil around in the bathroom. Because this will help spread the smoke around to areas that have no air flow. Thus trapping it successfully inside the hotel room for hours.
GOAL!
Step 7 : Cursing and laughing at the same time helps the smoke dissipate. Ok it really doesn't but it's more funny if you do this.
Note: Do NOT omit step 7 under penalty of law. The Shrimp Cooking in Hotels law!
Step 8 : Opening the hotel window might seem like a good idea, but why bother. Shrimp is tasty, why not have all your clothes smell like it. MMM All the cool kids are doing it. You should TOO!
He likes it, he really likes it .. Mikey likes it!
Ok, Ok, OK .. open the god damned window then. Jeeze! Fucking pansies! I swear to god.
Step 9 : Drink some more before trying again. 3 glasses of wine may seem like too many, after having had a whole bottle before starting. Just ignore that logic rattling around in your brain .. it has no clue how to have fun .. drink up!
I mean seriously, the oil does need to cool off a bit. This will pass your time more efficiently. If you can pull this off, you will be considered a high ranking multi-tasker.
Step 10 : Take pictures of your shrimp debauchery .. and post it on the internet. So other people can laugh .. at or with you . Who cares which one it is .. this shit is fun. I'm sure the neighbors enjoyed all the shrieking laughter and smoke coming from your room!!!
This has concluded your how to NOT cook shrimp in a hotel room lesson for today. Stay tuned for more how top NOT cook things in hotel rooms lessons .. brought to you by Jennie and Mikey.
Ciao
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Mikey, but omg!!!