Food How To Eat Potato Chips Like A Champ

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Apr 15, 2016
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Many of you delicate little flowers watch your calories like hawks.
I will provide a tutorial as to how to properly consume potato chips like a true pro glutton:
1) Start with a brand new bag (7.75 oz or bigger).
2) Open the bag loudly.
3) Using just your HANDS, hold the bag with one hand and scoop chips with the other hand.
4) DO NOT eat one chip at a time. This technique is for amateurs.
5) start with the big, whole chips and shove at least 3 chips in your mouth at once. Chomp loudly, and make sure crumbs are falling out of your gaping maw.
6) reach around the bag, to the bottom of the bag. Eat every non broken chip.
7) After each shove of chips, wipe your Chip Grabbing Claw on your work dirty jeans.
8) Leave at least one ounce of crumbs in the bag, wrap tightly and secure with a rubber band. We wouldn't want those crumbs going stale.

Inevitably, some family member (who was planning this exact attack) will open the pantry and scream "WHO ATE ALL THE FUCKING CHIPS?".
Don't panic. Wait for them to approach you. Upon confrontation, exclaim "yeah I nibbled a chip or two but I didn't open the bag!".
 
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