How old is too old to have babby?

it is a good thing we can't pick and choose as we don't generally know what is good for us... there is a certain small level of arrogance in trying

I mean we all do, but I am reminded of what my high school rabbi told me, "pray for contentment, pray for marriage but don't pray for the specific thing that will make you content or the specific woman you want because in most cases, you don't know"
 
it is a good thing we can't pick and choose as we don't generally know what is good for us... there is a certain small level of arrogance in trying

I mean we all do, but I am reminded of what my high school rabbi told me, "pray for contentment, pray for marriage but don't pray for the specific thing that will make you content or the specific woman you want because in most cases, you don't know"

I have a feeling human kind would fail if we got to chose, genetics would become so similar if everyone chose the 'ideal'. The great thing about our race is the diversity imo.
 
I think parents would yell at you for saying 'dont have kids there's a 1 in 400 chance that the WORST THING EVER will happen'.
Oh! you actually found where I said that! good jo.... Oh, wait, what? That's not a quote where I said that? Instead it's an inflammatory response designed to try and get me to ignore the fact that you didn't respond to anything I actually said?

Oh, well, that's good to know.



As I said, never said it was the worst thing ever (off hand I can think of three or four things that would be worse than Down's Syndrome). Alternately, why would they yell at me for stating a fact in a discussion about when to stop having kids?
I mean, despite the fact that literally no one has yelled at me or gotten upset about what I said?
 
Oh! you actually found where I said that! good jo.... Oh, wait, what? That's not a quote where I said that? Instead it's an inflammatory response designed to try and get me to ignore the fact that you didn't respond to anything I actually said?

Oh, well, that's good to know.



As I said, never said it was the worst thing ever (off hand I can think of three or four things that would be worse than Down's Syndrome). Alternately, why would they yell at me for stating a fact in a discussion about when to stop having kids?
I mean, despite the fact that literally no one has yelled at me or gotten upset about what I said?

like being a Yankees fan
 
Regarding having kids with disabilities:
Emily Perl Kingsley said:
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


It's ok to both wish you hadn't had a kid with a disability, and to hope that you don't. That doesn't mean people who have kids with disabilities can't love them, but it's understandable to be sad about not being able to have the live you'd dreamed of.

That said, I probably won't be in a good position to be having my first kid until I'm about 30. I'm 26 right now, but I'd want to be finished with college and into my career before having kids, I'll be 27 when I graduate, and even if I get a job right out of school, I'll be 28 shortly after beginning. So earliest is 28, but to qualify for FMLA you need to be there for at least a year, I believe, so 29.
 
Regarding having kids with disabilities:



It's ok to both wish you hadn't had a kid with a disability, and to hope that you don't. That doesn't mean people who have kids with disabilities can't love them, but it's understandable to be sad about not being able to have the live you'd dreamed of.

That said, I probably won't be in a good position to be having my first kid until I'm about 30. I'm 26 right now, but I'd want to be finished with college and into my career before having kids, I'll be 27 when I graduate, and even if I get a job right out of school, I'll be 28 shortly after beginning. So earliest is 28, but to qualify for FMLA you need to be there for at least a year, I believe, so 29.

that quote you provided was stellar...really I think that is one of the best descriptions I've heard and I just printed a bunch of copies for the parents I deal with about this topic so thank you

btw, don't plan too much about your child... timing is well a luxury and honestly it does not matter that much, our timing of having a kid sucked in that we were broke, I was in grad school etc... but from what I hear, this was commonplace even only one generation ago. I think this generation plans kids too much... we make it work despite our everyday life
 
that quote you provided was stellar...really I think that is one of the best descriptions I've heard and I just printed a bunch of copies for the parents I deal with about this topic so thank you
Exactly.

Being a grown up, especially being a parent, means subsuming your desires for what you know needs to be done. Subsuming those can hurt, but that does not mean that you don't find pleasure in doing what you know you must
Me being me, I just want to go wrench on my Mustang all day which means I would have to buy parts and tools for it almost constantly, but I can't as I would be kicked out of my house and my gf would likely break up with me. That's just what I do to be an adult, my best friend completely changed his job as well as several huge aspects of his life, and neither of his kids have any issues with disabilities or anything.
 
Re: How old is too old to have a baby?

I think this generation plans kids too much... we make it work despite our everyday life
people look at children as the end of a period in their lives, they aren't ready to "grow up" so they postpone it.

Our first child was an accident. We have both come to the conclusion we would've likely not had children had we been given the choice. We weren't ready to start that phase of our lives. We shared the same opinion domon has about housing and finances and college, etc...

Life chose for us though and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
 
people look at children as the end of a period in their lives, they aren't ready to "grow up" so they postpone it.

Our first child was an accident. We have both come to the conclusion we would've likely not had children had we been given the choice. We weren't ready to start that phase of our lives. We shared the same opinion domon has about housing and finances and college, etc...

Life chose for us though and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

ton of wisdom itt
 
I had my first just before I turned 21, I don't regret it at all. The next couple came 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 years later, If I new I was definitely done, I'd be kid free by 40, still plenty young to start enjoying the fruits of my labors.
 
Re: How old is too old to have a baby?

I had my first just before I turned 21, I don't regret it at all. The next couple came 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 years later, If I new I was definitely done, I'd be kid free by 40, still plenty young to start enjoying the fruits of my labors.

The vagina is not a clown car.
 
What's wrong with having a kid who has Down's Syndrome anyway? :confused: I know plenty of happy parents who have Down's Syndrome children and they're happy as hell with it. Just because your kid is different doesn't mean it's wrong to have them.

BECAUSE THEY NEVER LEEEEEEEAAAAAAAVVVEEEEEE!!!

i'm exaggerating, just a little....


but i don't know many people who have children and intend for them to live with them the rest of their lives. ESPECIALLY if the children end up needing physical help. parents get used to helping, sure, and don't mind it...but LIVES CONTINUE. people grow -- the children become adults. they get heavier to move. they get stronger when they resist. and as they get stronger, the parents get OLDER. no matter how a parent loves their child and would do anything for them, science and time make it gradually harder to physically do.

in addition, i think most people when deciding to have a family thinks, i'll commit to this, do my best, and they will leave me. parents expect hands-on, in-the-home parenting to only be a PART of their lives. they have individual needs. they have a spouse they want to be with. most parents don't expect children to become permanent fixtures in their homes and responsibilities.

i know my wish is to commit to being the best parent i can be, understand and dedicate a couple of decades or so to children who need lots of my time, teachings, guidance, etc. if i've done my "job" as a parent, eventually my children will be able to leave my nest full, readied, strong, independent individuals who can make a wholesome, good, positive investment into the world. if i do my job correctly, one day they will decide when it's time to walk out that door and never look back -- not because they don't WANT to....because they don't NEED to. they will be ready to begin their own lives, unaccompanied.

natural life has natural stages. we come in attached, we grow, we develop, we detach, we stand alone, we make choices, we form bonds, we leave alone. this is the natural rhythm, and therefore the expected one. doesn't mean it HAPPENS this way...but it's kind of assumed that it probably will.