Hello, my name is Damon.

I tried to, Chris. I really tried. In the end he was more interested in what lay behind the reinforced steel door in my basement than my wellbeing and I had to make him go away.

I'm not a bad person, Chris. You believe me, don't you?

I hope you believe me.
 
I tried to, Chris. I really tried. In the end he was more interested in what lay behind the reinforced steel door in my basement than my wellbeing and I had to make him go away.

I'm not a bad person, Chris. You believe me, don't you?

I hope you believe me.

That steel door is actually the gate to hell, isn't it? It's ok Damon. You can tell me.
 
What's the deal with the butterfly on the face thing, Damon? I was never in on that joke.
 
It was a beautiful day at the botanical gardens, Sarah. The sun was bright and shining, and all of the children were happy. Suddenly a gigantic bug came out of nowhere and tried to lay eggs in my nostril, despite my best efforts to stop it. I tried everything short of fire (my hair was full of product), but the fiercesome beast would not relinquish its grasp. It remained there for at least a full minute, though it felt more like 10 or 15. Finally, without so much as a word, it was gone, and all that remained was the most homosexual image ever captured on film.
 
It was a beautiful day at the botanical gardens, Sarah. The sun was bright and shining, and all of the children were happy. Suddenly a gigantic bug came out of nowhere and tried to lay eggs in my nostril, despite my best efforts to stop it. I tried everything short of fire (my hair was full of product), but the fiercesome beast would not relinquish its grasp. It remained there for at least a full minute, though it felt more like 10 or 15. Finally, without so much as a word, it was gone, and all that remained was the most homosexual image ever captured on film.

Whoa, you were nostril raped!
 
e4uD-7ZpTLpY2UUhZ7-QJQ.jpg