god bless you nelson muntz!

[JAXvillain]

so, I'm like, really freakin' bored here?!!? post your favorite simpsons quotes...or something

alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems /homer

 

[Desslock]

I get jokes.

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

...so the doctor said it would quit bleeding if I kept my finger out of there

 

[Millions]

To shake your booty means to wiggle one's butt. Permit me to demonstrate...

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

AYE! I 'ate the mess 'e left on me rug!

 

[Sarcasmo]

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

 

[JAXvillain]

the bee bit my bottom, now my bottom's big!

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

BONJOURRRRRRR....ya cheese eatin' surrender monkeys!

 

[JAXvillain]

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

 

[Sarcasmo]

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

The aurora borealis? At longitude? At this time of year? Located inside your kitchen?

Yes.

Can I see it?

No.

 

[JAXvillain]

My story begins in Nineteen dickety two. We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word for "twenty." I chased him down the road but gave up after dickety-six miles

 

[JAXvillain]

Lisa: Oh, Grampa, you're not busy are you?
Abe: Well you're really asking two questions there. The first one takes me back to 1934. Admiral Burn had just reached the pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges...
... and I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips. The following morning I resigned my commission with the coastguard. The next thing I knew there was civil war in Spain...
... and, that's everything which happened in my life right up to the time I got this phone call

 

[Millions]

In America...first you get the sugar...then you get the power...then you get the women...

 

[Millions]

Wiggum: "A 3-19 in my own house! Alright crooky...let's dance! HURGH! ACK! OFFICER DOWN, OFFICER DOWN!"