Flytrap #2 - Possible NSFW Content and WAW fail , Whiskey Bacon and tamale hootch

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http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160559216667#description

XCEL 3-2mm Infiniti Drylock Summer Wetsuit Medium USED
Current bid: £430.00

I bought this wetsuit brand-new last year and have worn it a fair bit. When I say 'fair' I reckon about 20 times, but then probably more like 30. A fair few times anyway.

HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it's in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you're probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle.

You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.

I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits.

It's a size medium or "m", it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won't really but it will keep you warm and it's flexible so you'll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you're bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say "f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he's doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he's got some fresh dance moves". They probably won't say this.

Now as it's been worn, there's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say "oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback". The pictures make it look worse than it is (because they're close-ups), and I've taken the pictures with the suit turned inside out, when it's the right way round you don't see the wear and it has no effect on the performance of the suit. That was a bit boring wasn't it, but it had to be done so you can't take me to eBay court for not being honest with you.

Why am I selling it? Well I've just bought a new one, as I'm a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you're going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it's not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night.

I'll post it out the next working day following cleared payment, or if you're around the Truro area you can come and collect it thus avoiding postage charges. Having said that, if you're a maniac, maybe you should just let me post it to you as I don't want to be murdered to death, especially as the summer is just beginning! WOO HOO.

Any questions just ask, I'll answer them very quickly as I'm sat at a computer all f*cking day, unless there's waves.

Thanks for looking and reading all of that ridiculous text, I hope you have a wonderful day.

On 14-Mar-11 at 23:43:11 GMT, seller added the following information:

UPDATE.

This listing for my urine-free wetsuit is getting a lot of unexpected attention which is nice but I'm feeling I should do something positive with all the 'f*cking energy man', so I've decided to give 90% of the money it makes to the Red Cross to aid their efforts in Japan. That sounds all 'oh look at me I'm so nice I'm giving to charity' doesn't it... yeah well p*ss off.

On 15-Mar-11 at 00:42:42 GMT, seller added the following information:

Okay so people are now saying "only 90%", and I agree that sounds a bit sh*t, you see I was worried that if it only made it up to £20 or something I'd be unable to afford the postage! So let's say as the value goes up so does the percentage!

On 15-Mar-11 at 22:38:01 GMT, seller added the following information:

VERY IMPORTANT NEWS.

Just got off the phone to XCEL wetsuits in Hawaii, who are very kindly donating a BRAND NEW 2011 Drylock wetsuit to the auction, it will remain a 3/2 (summer) but will be available in a range of sizes to suit the winning bidder. So now, in addition to the original p*ss free suit, you'll also get a brand spanker, but still no bears or doors, just TWO wetsuits free of urine, one old and knackered (m) and one lovely and new (any size).

Big love to XCEL for their kind donation.

Questions and answers about this item
Q: i don't really need a wet suit...i'd really like an aquarium! have you got any of those?!
A: No aquariums, but I do have a dead squirrel floating in a bucket, will that do?
15 Mar, 2011
Q: oh my god make love to me now! your the best!
A: "You're" the best! Do you still want to make love?
15 Mar, 2011
Q: Firstly Fab advert have seen something this good since the 2,000 Bribo laptops a couple of years ago. Secondly how do we know you will 90% profit to charity? thanks for the giggles :D
A: Okay a serious one, I'll get some sort of receipt or acknowledgement off the Red Cross and I'll upload screen grabs of the transaction!
15 Mar, 2011
Q: are there any left in the suit ? If so, could you hoover them out, as I'm allergic? Thankyou
A: There are simply too many to hoover.
15 Mar, 2011
Q: Babe you are now a legend on Facebook and at my college. You've brightend alot of peoples days!!! XXXX
A: I am pleased about this. I like bright ends. Torches have bright ends. Where is your college? Asking for a friend.
 
LONDON: A snake attacked an Israeli model during a sexy photoshoot by biting into her surgically enhanced breast and later died from silicone poisoning.

Orit Fox, a B-list model and actress initially looked comfortable during the shoot in Tel Aviv, wrapping the massive boa constrictor around her legs, waist and neck while doing her best to look sexy, reports the Daily Mail.

In a figure hugging red and white striped dress, which revealed maximum cleavage, she gamely tried to take their bonding to the next level by licking the snake's face. As she manoeuvered the animal into position for the 'kiss' Fox loosened her grip on its neck, and after being licked the reptile reacted angrily.

It aimed straight for Fox's prized assets and sunk its teeth deep into her left breast. An assistant rushed in to help her pull the snake off and after a few seconds of struggle the creature released its grip. The peroxide-blonde model was rushed to a nearby hospital and given a tetanus shot. However, the snake wasn't so lucky and died from silicone poisoning.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...-of-silicon-poisoning/articleshow/7715176.cms



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1KHDNRBrY4
 
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Fucking brilliant!

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