Flytrap #2 - Possible NSFW Content and WAW fail , Whiskey Bacon and tamale hootch

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Atan Nolme

Flaccid Member
Oct 14, 2004
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Karningul,Eriador, Endor
I am also almost blissfully intoxicated before I have to put my mother into a hospice home this week. This will be followed by a nightcap of Advil PM. I love self-medication.

:heart:
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Wait a sec, I stand soberly corrected.

Sweater puppies

or

Sweater Mittens

Puppies.
 

b_sinning

Erect Member
Nov 22, 2004
22,790
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Savannah, GA
My wife has a sister who is a stuck up yuppie sorority poster girl that is always a royal bitch to her and always trying to cause family drama for my wife. She's been especially a thorn in my wife's side lately, so she asked me what she could do to fuck with her. I was afraid by herself she would do something so stupid that she would end up in jail and on the smoking gun website or fark so I agreed to help. I ordered her some liquid ass off of amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/liquid-ass-Liquid/dp/B000OCEWGW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1295979276&sr=8-1


I told her when it arrived that she was to use it to coat her sister's doorknobs and car handles with it. Anything she knew her sister would touch. It would drive the clean freak insane. When it arrived last night I gave her very strict orders she was not to open it at all in our house or around anything of mine. She asked what it smelled like so I told her if she wanted to try it to go away from our house, outside somewhere, and test it on something. It was late so she said she would try that tomorrow.

She calls me a few minutes ago pissed off because she took it with her when she left the house earlier, to swing by her work. She was sitting at a stop light, bored, so she unscrews the top and sniffs it. She then proceeds to throw up in her car because she gags easily. She calls me all angry because she threw up in her car and I calmly ask her why in the hell would you ever sniff something called liquid ass in a small enclosed space if you gag easily. Luckily she didn't spill the bottle. I'm so not cleaning up her car.

One day I'm going to write a book named Dumbshit my wife does. I could have a whole chapter named animals are not toys.
 
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b_sinning

Erect Member
Nov 22, 2004
22,790
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Savannah, GA
I should have knew something was up the night I met her after college. I was at a rave and got hot so I walked outside. I was chilling, talking to some smokers, when I started over hearing a cop hanging around outside telling an intoxicated girl that the sound system in the back of his police cruiser was awesome. I had to stop her and explain that after the door shut on her with her in the back it was highly doubtful he would let her out again. I steered her away from him and threw her in a getaway car when the rave was raided by an assload of police a little while later.


I'm getting a good proofreader/editor for my book.
 
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Amstel

The Hoarse Whisperer
Jul 12, 2009
28,172
12,439
473
you're a whore, but in a good way. Kindof.
aaahahaha, the reviews:

5.0 out of 5 stars Truly lives up to the hype, October 13, 2009
By
Dennis Duncan (Greenfield, Tennessee United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: liquid ass (Toy)
I bought two bottles of this stuff last week after seeing all the online pranks and reviews. I was not disappointed in the least. Liquid A*s is without a doubt the foulest smell I have ever encountered in my twenty nine years life.

The only way I can explain the smell is imagine putting a pile of cat crap in a bathtub full of rotten eggs, and urine that has been farted, and vomited in, then left to sit in the sun for a couple weeks. Two squirts of it had my wife gagging and me rolling on the floor laughing. It is truly a soul shattering smell.

If you love playing jokes on unsuspected victims this is the product for you, but be warned. Liquid A*s puts off a smell that could end a marriage. lol
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128 of 136 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Really good stuff here!, May 2, 2009
By
Jeff S. Grainger (reading, pa) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
Fun:5.0 out of 5 stars
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
Well, i just found out 2 days ago my job was being outsourced. I bought 3 of these bottles and have been making mischief ever since. The best stunt to date was going to the executive area elevator and spraying half the bottle on board, so some new clientel coming in could get some great first impressions of the place. They called two members of the cleaning staff to take out the carpet and wipe the elevator down. So i just made a second trip in the elevator and applied some more. This stuff really smells bad! My next trip will be to discreetly sit in the executive lobby and spray down those oh so fancy leather chairs that the VP's and higher ups like to use. Perhaps next a trip to the executive board room right before that important teleconference. The possibilities are endless i tell ya. Your guaranteed to get a good laugh out of this stuff.
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41 of 41 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The quintessential fart prank!, January 30, 2010
By
Mack R. (USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: liquid ass (Toy)
My bottle of liquid ass arrived in the mail the other day. I wanted to try it at home before unleashing it at work. Entering the kitchen, I sprayed one tiny little "poof" and waited. Within one minute, the kitchen smelled as if an entire college football offensive line had overdone it at the taco stand the previous night.

It was so bad that the cat came into the kitchen and was scraping the bare tile floor with his paw as if he was trying to cover up a huge invisible turd! I've owned other fart sprays that didn't quite smell "right". But Liquid Ass really smells like the real deal.

One word of advice: This is best used in a room with more than 3 people. Crowded dance floors at weddings is ideal! For maximum enjoyment, do not overdo it. Only the worst of genuine human farts are capable of clearing a room. This stuff is extremely powerful so use sparingly to preserve realism. Also, do not let ANYONE know that you have this stuff. As soon as they find out, the fun is over.

Have fun!
 

b_sinning

Erect Member
Nov 22, 2004
22,790
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Savannah, GA
I have a b(then my semi-common last name) e-mail account at gmail that I got before gmail opened to the public. So now I get every Brenda, Ben, Bruce, Bryan, Bill's, B etc person with my last name's e-mails all the damn time. Either because those dumbasses don't know their own e-mail address when filling stuff out or other people e-mailing them at my address. I get everything from receipts for various purchases, letters from family members, photos, performance reviews, you name it. One is an investment banker in NY and one is a female artist in Ohio.

Lately one of those people is one sick puppy and keeps signing up for bestiality and hardcore male gay porn and they are sending his login info for his purchases to my address. I'm starting to think I should locate more info on this person.
 

Sarcasmo

A Taste Of Honey Fluff Boy
Mar 28, 2005
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Austin
I'm in the same boat with my yahoo account. I've had it since yahoo mail debuted and I get weird shit from/for 50 different people.
 
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