Seeing as how John Paul isn't hanging out much anymore, I figured now would be the best time to declare my candidacy for Pope. Now I'm fucking serious as hell about this shit, I think I could really get the world to realize that god is good and all that crap. But some of what the pope has to do on a daily basis is fucking bullshit, plus I want to implement a few changes for the whole world... so I've got a few stipulations and rules, etc:
1. When I become Pope all fat people will immediately die, except for fat old men, they will be forced to do hardcore porn with hot barely 18 year old school girls, because that’s my favorite shit to beat off to.
2. Anyone who blows coke will fucking HAVE to give me some. I’m not fucking around here, if I’m gonna be the pope I’m gonna have to be high as shit 24/7 because blessing the whole word is some stressful shit.
3. I’m not wearing that gay ass pope hat, I want either a backwards adidas hat or maybe a big foam cowboy hat, I dunno, but I don’t want that faggot pope hat shit.
4. I’m not gonna speak 13 languages or whatever the fuck, I’m gonna speak the half assed english I already know and the ghetto slang I learned from playing countless hours of gand theft auto san andreas – EAT THE BODY OF CHRIST BITCHES
5. I'm not touching one goddamned alter boy unless he's really fucking hot, like a mini brad pitt or something