Dude, Fly, WTF man? You didn't even tell me you were in town!


Flaccid Member
Oct 29, 2004

A peaceful February afternoon was disrupted for a Phoenix family yesterday when a completely naked man hopped a fence and strutted around their backyard. After being taken into custody, the man had an interesting plan, which he described to police in way (way) too much detail.

Cops got a call about 4:20 p.m. yesterday that a naked guy was walking in the area of 4800 Palm Lane in Phoenix.

According to court records obtained by New Times, when police got the scene, they found 31-year-old Donald Wayne Calvert completely naked and hanging from a backyard fence in an alley behind the house. Despite being naked, Calvert was cooperative and took a seat in the officers' cruiser.

Police talked to the residents of the house -- a woman and her two minor daughters -- who told them Calvert was completely naked when he jumped the fence into their yard and tried to moon them through the window.

Meanwhile, back at the police cruiser where Calvert was still naked and now rambling about laws and "the system," the officers tried to question him. He had a better idea.

"Hey, look, I'm going to finger-bang my asshole and I want you to watch," Calvert told the cops.

Calvert refused to put on clothes and rode to the police station naked before finally agreeing to put pants on when he arrived. But he wasn't done.

Once at the precinct, Calvert had again had it with wearing pants. He stripped back down to nothing and raised hell in his holding cell.

"Check this out, chicks dig this," he told cops -- while standing on a bench in the cell and masturbating.

Then he took a quick piss on the floor before being taken to the Fourth Avenue Jail.

Court docs indicate Calvert is an alcoholic and a drug addict who was under the influence when he decided to show up naked in a Phoenix family's backyard.

Calvert was booked on two counts of felony indecent exposure, one count of misdemeanor indecent exposure, and one count of trespassing.
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My favorite chef is Mike Rowave
Oct 15, 2004
if you wanna fingerbang your asshole on the coffee table, thats cool, you just have to wait until the boys asleep
I dont want him learning about that kind of stuff until hes at least 4
Yeah, my son learned all about that stuff in kindergarten.