Yeah, I did a snuggle bear once. I'm not proud of it by any means, but here's how it went down:
It was mid-morning, at a bar in Decatur and I was working through my third or fourth generous glass of Glenlivet 21 trying to dispell last nights hangover.
I was fuming at myself for not drinking enough to wake up still drunk, which is much more pleasant than the skull crushing fury of a scotch induced hangover.
This grizzled old fuck next to me, who was getting on my nerves for constantly emitting sour flatulence and slurping his egg-drop vodka, turns to me and says in a surprisingly smooth voice:
"Ya know I fucked a bear once sonny"
Aw geez, I'm thinking to myself, I don't need this shit now, I gotta get rid of this headache so I can head into the office to do the brain surgery I had scheduled later that day.
"Was good too, wild ride she was, fur kinda smelled though"
I don't have time for this I thought, so I opened my trap like an idiot:
"Yeah? Who cares old timer, I could fuck a bear right now"
He gives me this look like I just told him he shouldn't have another drink, and spat out:
"Prove it sonny, you damn whippersnapper"
By now the whole bar was watching, my buddy Kyle was tending bar and I motioned for him to give me the bottle of 'livet 21. I downed a few gulps, and noticed that there was a row of Snuggle bears on top of one of the liquor shelves.
I hopped up on the bar, grabbed one, dropped my pants and fucked it right in the eye socket in front of the old geezer, hooting and hollering the whole time.
Everyone in the bar had tears in their eyes laughing, and the old guy just shut up and went back to his egg-drop vodka.
The next day I had a fucking rash from the third-rate fake fur on that stupid bear.
