Bridging the language barrier....... dammit

BigDov

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Oct 14, 2004
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I've been around this crap for so long that I don't even have the heart to laugh about it when I get emails like this any more. A greater majority of our "skilled laborers" hail from Asian parts unknown, and as such, there's a bit of a communication disparity between us. Most of us. Not me though.... I get it. I feel their pain, their plight, their desperation that forced them from their homeland to our land of plenty, bringing with them microwaveable fishy treats and freeze-dried shrimp in styrofoam bowls. Only to infect us with broken english *sigh* I love 'em.

"Is anyone borrow a tool fix LED with orange handle from my a work bench?
Please return, I have two CPUs are is waiting to get fix."

and

"Hi Vivian,
Would you let me know the means the same issues as noted above?
Is it same issues the original CPAS?
Would do Sun provide the details (Pictures)?

Thanks
Zong Li"

And dammit, I know EXACTLY what they're getting at......
 
One of the best ones ever....... in the mall near our old facility, some cajun restaurant opened in the food court. Of course we had to check it out. We're standing in line behind this geriatric couple, and they start grilling the dude working the counter about the blackened fish. The dude working the counter spoke very broken and halting english. It went sorta like this:

Geriatric man: "What kind of fish is that blackened fish?"
Worker dude: "It brackened."
Geriatric woman: "What?"
Worker dude: blank stare
Geriatric man: (taking a different tactic) "What kind of fish do you make that blackened fish with?"
Worker dude: "It just brackened fish."

--It was sooo easy to see the old dude's blood pressure going up; I whipped out the cell phone and had 911 at the ready--

Geriatric man: *angry* "I KNOW it's blackened fish, but what kind of fish is it??"

--My pal Ron and I are in absolute hysterics at this point--

Worker dude: "It not fish! Just fish! It brackened fish! BRACKENED FISH!!"
Geriatric woman: "Is it catfish or cod or something?"
Worker dude: *angry to the point of screaming* "IT BRACKENED! IT BRACKENED FISH!!"

The geriatrics were absolutley PISSED..... they demanded to talk to the manager, who conveniently wasn't there, geriatric man muttered something about bombing back to the stone age and he and his wife tottered off. CLASSIC.

It was only my leet powers of engrish decipherification that allowed me to place an order and not get it fucked up.....
 
brackenedfish3at.jpg
 
We just hired a Lady from Germany who spoke great English in the interview...no not so much. She keeps going "How you call...." And keep flipping everything around and when I correct it (details are very important in my job) she goes, Oh yes thats what I meant. Oh geez! Just great!
 
JJ Lady said:
We just hired a Lady from Germany who spoke great English in the interview...no not so much. She keeps going "How you call...." And keep flipping everything around and when I correct it (details are very important in my job) she goes, Oh yes thats what I meant. Oh geez! Just great!


That's almost worse than what I'm dealing with!!!! Sorry JJ :heart:
 
The guy who runs the cafeteria here is korean I think...and he wasn't that great with his english...what's more, he kept trying to have conversations with me and I'd have no idea what the hell he was talking about.

Korean guy: "Ohhhrrr...you from Drarras?"
Me: "Uh...what?"
Korean guy: "You from Drarras. Drarras! You tall rike Texan!"
Me: "Oh, DALLAS...no I'm not from Dallas."
Korean guy: "Oh but you workr for Bero. You from Darrars."
Me: "....uh. Yes? No? wait, what?"
Korean guy: "From Bero! You from Bero! In Darrars!"
Me: "Oh. Yes I work for Belo...but I'm remotely working from here in California."
Korean guy: "Oh, you rike it here instead Darrars?"
Me: "What?! For the love of god, I'm not from Dallas! I've never even been to Texas!"
Korean guy: "I carr you Darrars! Here you chicken sarad, Darrars! Hahahah!"
 
Millions said:
The guy who runs the cafeteria here is korean I think...and he wasn't that great with his english...what's more, he kept trying to have conversations with me and I'd have no idea what the hell he was talking about.

Korean guy: "Ohhhrrr...you from Drarras?"
Me: "Uh...what?"
Korean guy: "You from Drarras. Drarras! You tall rike Texan!"
Me: "Oh, DALLAS...no I'm not from Dallas."
Korean guy: "Oh but you workr for Bero. You from Darrars."
Me: "....uh. Yes? No? wait, what?"
Korean guy: "From Bero! You from Bero! In Darrars!"
Me: "Oh. Yes I work for Belo...but I'm remotely working from here in California."
Korean guy: "Oh, you rike it here instead Darrars?"
Me: "What?! For the love of god, I'm not from Dallas! I've never even been to Texas!"
Korean guy: "I carr you Darrars! Here you chicken sarad, Darrars! Hahahah!"

Stereotypical asian talk is so wrong. And yet hilariously funny
 
smileynev said:
Stereotypical asian talk is so wrong. And yet hilariously funny

I swear to god the guy calls me 'Darrars' everyday I'm in there and asks me where my boots and cowboy hat are and if I miss my famiry in Darrars...