Food Beer bread!

gee

Blame It On The Gassa Nova
Sep 29, 2012
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Fuck wonder "bread", here's how to make something 10x better.

Step #1 : Grab a measuring cup, pour in 1/2 cup of milk, heat it to lukewarm (about 30 seconds in the microwave), stir in a teaspoon of sugar, and dump in the yeast.

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Step #2 : Grab your Kitchenaid bowl, and add 4 cups flour and 5 teaspoons sugar. I don't sift my flour, but I make sure to "fluff it up" with the measuring cup when I'm taking it from my flour container, and scoop up "fluffy" flour. If that makes any sense. At some point I'll weigh my flour and get a proper weight #.

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Step #3 : Select your beer. I'm going with an Alexander Keith's so-called IPA which someone left at my house some time ago. Pour this into a large measuring cup and add 1.5tsp of salt to it - prepare for a foam explosion. Once that dies down, microwave it for a minute to bring it up to lukewarm temperature.

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Step #4 : Measure out 2 tablespoons of butter. Fuck that, tare a bowl and weigh out 30 grams of butter. Much easier. Melt it in the microwave.

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At this point, the yeast is probably trying to climb out of the measuring cup. This is good:

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Step #5 : Throw the beer in on top of the flour, followed by the butter, followed by the yeast mixture. I stir everything up by holding the Kitchenaid kneading hook in my hand and getting everything incorporated, but a wooden spoon does the job much better. Once everything's somewhat stirred together, throw it on the kitchenaid and knead for 10 minutes or so:

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If it comes apart an sticks to the sides of the bowl, add more flour.

Step #6 : Grease a mixing bowl, throw in the kneaded dough, and cover with plastic wrap:

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Wait for this to double in size.

To be continued. While the bread rises, I'm gonna fulfill my canada day duty and run out for a smoked meat sandwich and a poutine.
 

itburnswhenipee

Lonestar
May 25, 2005
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Watching thread with genuine interest

Here's a couple things I've discovered over the years that might be good time savers for you:

Proofing yeast? Who needs it. Just toss that shit in with the rest of the dry goods. Same thing with melting butter. I just slice it into pats as I weigh it and add it to the dough that way. The action of the mixer make the chunks disappear like magic.
 

gee

Blame It On The Gassa Nova
Sep 29, 2012
15,566
17,231
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Halifax
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Carried out my canadian responsibility. Smoked meat poutine :drool:

And the bread has risen, probably to triple size. I'm sure it'll be fine.

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Step #7 : Punch that shit down. Knead it a bit by hand to break up any large air bubbles.

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Step #8 : Grease two bread pans. Divide the dough into 4. Knead each piece individually by hand, pinch it into a nice shape with a smooth surface, flatten it out a bit and drop it into the bread pan.

Cover with plastic and wait for the loaves to rise.

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To be continued in another little while.
 

helenabear

my latina side hates Kiki
Aug 11, 2005
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I love beer bread (which is odd because I hate beer) so this looks delicious.
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
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Houston
I LOVE BREAD THREADS. Thanks Gee. :heart:

I have a ciabatta one I'm building for the article thread. Nothing smells better than a house cooking bread. :drool:
 

helenabear

my latina side hates Kiki
Aug 11, 2005
10,928
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What about beer cheese dip? :drool:

I have a feeling I wouldn't go for that. It's the taste of beer I find horrible. Yep the German family members are all rolling in their graves - oh wait maybe not since they didn't even care about us so I might not be a total disgrace after all.

I agree nothing like bread baking in the house. Only thing that rivals for me is a home made pizza (pizza dough from scratch). Especially with bacon on top.......

I have a great honey oatmeal bread I do - warm with butter and sea salt sprinkled and it tastes like dessert.
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
103,200
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Houston
I have a feeling I wouldn't go for that. It's the taste of beer I find horrible. Yep the German family members are all rolling in their graves - oh wait maybe not since they didn't even care about us so I might not be a total disgrace after all.

I agree nothing like bread baking in the house. Only thing that rivals for me is a home made pizza (pizza dough from scratch). Especially with bacon on top.......

I have a great honey oatmeal bread I do - warm with butter and sea salt sprinkled and it tastes like dessert.
Take pics and make a thread in the Articles forum! You can get a free shirt or something. :)
 

gee

Blame It On The Gassa Nova
Sep 29, 2012
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Halifax
Step #7 : Preheat oven to 375F. Once the bread's nicely risen (to about the top level of the bread pans) then chuck it in the oven. Bread's done when it feels hollow when you knock on the bottom of it, takes about 30 minutes.

Pull the bread out of the pans right away, and sit 'em on a cooling rack.

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Wait for them to cool - don't slice into hot bread unless you eat it right away. Grab the bread knife and some softened butter, and mmm...
 

gee

Blame It On The Gassa Nova
Sep 29, 2012
15,566
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Halifax
How to cook (mostly) from scratch with a 5 year old hanging all over you? ;)
My next door neighbors' daughter is 8, and she's learning how to bake.

We made cherry pound cake here once. She separated eggs, measured all the ingredients, ran the kitchenaid and the whole shot. Completely blew me away.
 

Coqui

Piccolo Pete
Oct 14, 2004
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Columbus, OH
My next door neighbors' daughter is 8, and she's learning how to bake.

We made cherry pound cake here once. She separated eggs, measured all the ingredients, ran the kitchenaid and the whole shot. Completely blew me away.

Dominic helps, but there are times where he's more of a hindrance than an assistance. Also obviously, with baking, you don't want a five year old around the oven.
 

gee

Blame It On The Gassa Nova
Sep 29, 2012
15,566
17,231
373
Halifax
Dominic helps, but there are times where he's more of a hindrance than an assistance. Also obviously, with baking, you don't want a five year old around the oven.
Yeah. I ran the oven in this case.

I gotta thank my mom for teaching me how to cook - she constantly had me in the kitchen helping her. Blows my mind how many people I know that can't cook.
 

kiwi

Messin’ with Sasquatch
Apr 22, 2005
20,427
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Summer
My next door neighbors' daughter is 8, and she's learning how to bake.

We made cherry pound cake here once. She separated eggs, measured all the ingredients, ran the kitchenaid and the whole shot. Completely blew me away.

My 9 year old mastered muffins this summer. Even put them in and out of the oven.
 

Coqui

Piccolo Pete
Oct 14, 2004
35,593
4,667
673
43
Columbus, OH
Yeah. I ran the oven in this case.

I gotta thank my mom for teaching me how to cook - she constantly had me in the kitchen helping her. Blows my mind how many people I know that can't cook.

I can grill, but my cooking skills are not up to snuff
 

Applesauce

The Gypsy-The Acid Queen
Dec 9, 2008
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This sounds fawkin deelish n shit, but I'm afraid of making teh breads and failing. Sooooo many steps, damnnnn
 

helenabear

my latina side hates Kiki
Aug 11, 2005
10,928
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That hasn't been done yet! :p

LOL I'll think about it.

I plan to teach him to cook once he can read better. He helps stir, pour, turns off and on mixers and even helps me pat down dough for pizza, puts toppings on etc but he's not quite there to do much more. Baking is easy though so I definitely want to teach him.

That bread looks good!!!!!