Bad Jokes

A man was pulled over while driving around with 20 penguins in the back seat of his car. The officer said, "you can't have those, you need to take them to the zoo". The man agreed and drove off.

The next day, the same officer pulled the man over for having 20 penguins in the back seat of his car. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo yesterday!"

The man replied, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
 
I always wondered why vampirism was such a problem in Europe, where they have so many priests. Theoretically, the priest can bless the clouds, so any precipitation would be holy water, right?

I mean, Africa doesn't have vampires, and they blessed the rains down there...
 
When you measure the weight of a red hot chili pepper, you must give it a weigh three times.

I'd phrase it

If you want to know how heavy a red hot chili pepper is, give it away, give it away, give it away now.

Or

How do you check the weight of a red hot chili pepper?...

Extra cringe points for actually singing it
 
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