Bad Jokes
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thintoast
Mayosapien
nukes
I Eat Buttholes Raw
Someone for fat girls to talk to during the break.
nukes
I Eat Buttholes Raw
Typical first experience (assuming she's not a total ho) goes something like this....
Girl gives in, but holds back on the really fun(read nasty) stuff, to lure the guy in, in the hopes of even better things yet to come. Much like a good band leaves the audience wanting a little more, ensuring a good turnout next performance.
Meanwhile the guy pulls out all the stops, playing every trick in the book as well as a couple he made up along the way, in the hopes of convincing the girl he's the best lover she's ever met and can take her to the mountaintop every time they touch. This is obviously a shitty sales tactic because it sets up an unreasonable expectation that can't possibly be consistently met, but we do it anyway, geniuses that we are.
The fat girl, on the other hand, has to act more like the guy, pulling out all the stops, pulling every trick in her book, in the hopes the guy will enjoy it to the point he buys a ticket for a return performance.
This puts the fat girl in the position of always having to one-up her previous performance, which is a mindset guys are used to dealing with, and positive relations can then ensue, both in the mental realm as well as the physical. Plus she can already cook like a champ. If that ain't marriage material, I don't know what is.
nukes
I Eat Buttholes Raw
Hmm.
Try meeting the same chick after she's attended Weight Watchers for a year.
Body of a thin girl, mind of a fat chick.
Way more win.
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
What's the difference between a Porsche and the lead soprano?
Not every musician's been in a Porsche.
Not every musician's been in a Porsche.
Amstel
The Hoarse Whisperer
Grab the average, selfconscious, girl. Third date start a little 'health kick' *with* her. You're not perfect either.
Bam. Overperformer turned hottie.
Thank me later.
Amstel
The Hoarse Whisperer
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
An anthropologist was on sabbatical and chose to spend his time traveling into the depths of the Amazon to attempt to discover the secrets to the new world homo sapiens. He chartered a boat and hired several natives to porter his excavation materials, food, and drink for several weeks. Once the plans were set, the boat was pushed off and up the river they all went. Several days went by, with hard portage over dry rocky riverbed and hacking the way through the rainforests with machetes.
On the third day of hard travel, a sudden rhythmic thumping began, far enough away in the rainforest that it didn't pose an imminent threat, but caused the anthropologist concern. He asked the natives if they knew what it could be. "Relax," said one of the hired hands. "Drums good, when drums stop, bad".
The research party kept their grueling pace further up the river, but the drumming did not cease. Once again, the hired hand assured, "Drums good. When drums stop, bad". The drumming continued throughout the night and well into the next day. The rhythm finally stopped seeming ominous and was almost a soothing, comforting sound in the foreign jungle landscape.
Then, all of a sudden, the anthropologist realized he couldn't hear the drums anymore. All of his hired party became upset and nervous.
"This is bad, very very bad", said the hired guide.
"What is it? Are they coming for us? Are there cannibals in this region? How could I have not known about this scenario?! Please, explain!"
"Drums good, when drums stop, bad. When drum solo stops, bass solo begins".
On the third day of hard travel, a sudden rhythmic thumping began, far enough away in the rainforest that it didn't pose an imminent threat, but caused the anthropologist concern. He asked the natives if they knew what it could be. "Relax," said one of the hired hands. "Drums good, when drums stop, bad".
The research party kept their grueling pace further up the river, but the drumming did not cease. Once again, the hired hand assured, "Drums good. When drums stop, bad". The drumming continued throughout the night and well into the next day. The rhythm finally stopped seeming ominous and was almost a soothing, comforting sound in the foreign jungle landscape.
Then, all of a sudden, the anthropologist realized he couldn't hear the drums anymore. All of his hired party became upset and nervous.
"This is bad, very very bad", said the hired guide.
"What is it? Are they coming for us? Are there cannibals in this region? How could I have not known about this scenario?! Please, explain!"
"Drums good, when drums stop, bad. When drum solo stops, bass solo begins".
What's the difference between a soprano singer and the Titanic?
We know how many people went down on the Titanic.
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
under breath) Uh Oh Spaghetti O's