Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

My wife gets a terrible headache whenever I cook with wheat, barley or rice.

Turns out she's suffering from severe my grains.

 

[tre]

Probably one of @Jehannum ’s shitmobiles…

 

[Jehannum]

Saw a deer on the way to work today, and told the cashier at the coffee shop about it.

He said, "how do you know it had a job?"

 

[gee]

U2 doesn't have to pay their lawyers because they work pro bono LOLOLOL

 

[Jehannum]

Nobody recognized the Lego man after he had plastic surgery.

 

[Jehannum]

I really like my new refrigerator; my face lights up every time I open it.

 

[Jehannum]

Spotted a lizard on a port-a-potty the other day.

Pretty sure it was a commode-o-dragon.

 

[Jehannum]

I used to really hate body hair, but it grew on me.

 

[Jehannum]

I hate it when people say age is only a number.

It's clearly a word.

 

[kiwi]

Did you know there are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky?

 

[Jehannum]

If you steal your bicycle back from a thief, it's technically recycling.

 

[Jehannum]

The AC went out in my car, and the mechanic said he couldn't fix it.

I told him it'd be a lot cooler if he did.

 

[gee]

Apprentice plumber I know has been installing a whole lotta toilets in buildings

he's being potty trained

 

[OOD]

What did one vegetable say to the other vegetable?

 

[fly]

What did one vegetable say to the other vegetable?

You're supposed to give the punchline.

 

[gee]

^^ I'm pretty sure the vegetable didn't say that

I mean, it's a vegetable, it can't talk

 

[fly]

 

[tre]

Why did the transgendered man only eat salads?


Because he was a her before

 

[tre]

 

[Jehannum]

I tried to get into a locksmithing course. It was too expensive, but it was the only one on offer.

Turns out I can't afford to be picky.