Bad Jokes

[ZRH]

There's that vaunted competence again.

We'd probably get along if you weren't such a cunt

 

[Jehannum]

 

[Jehannum]

I usually don't make math puns, but I will make one if I half two.

 

[Jehannum]

Went to the airport and asked them to send one of my bags to New York and one to Chicago.

The attendant said, "I can't do that".

I said, "That's funny, you did it for free last time".

 

[gee]

So ZRH got another job working at a mexican restaurant now, shredding cheese for tacos and nachos and whatever.

It's the gratist job.

 

[Jehannum]

Asked my friend why he always steals the same board game from the stores he goes to.

He said, "Life is all about taking Risk".

 

[Jehannum]

The three hardest problems when writing a distributed message queue are
2: exactly once delivery
1: in-order delivery
2: exactly once delivery

 

[Jehannum]

COVID, the flu, and shingles walked in to a bar, and the bartender said, "what is this, some kind of sick joke?"

 

[Jehannum]

Eating in the dark is bad for your health. I prefer lighter lunches.

 

[Jehannum]

I thought my podiatrist was full of it, but after those custom orthotics he made for me, I stand corrected.

 

[Jehannum]

A duck that's high on drugs is a quack head.

 

[tre]

If you teach a wolf to meditate, he becomes awarewolf

 

[Jehannum]

Did you know that cars can hear?

It's all owed to the careful work of engineers.

 

[Jehannum]

My friend died by drowning, so we put a life preserver on his coffin at his funeral.

It's what he would have wanted.

 

[Jehannum]

It's strange that the adjective for metal is metallic, but the same construction doesn't work for iron, which is ironic.

 

[Jehannum]

I have a very cold joke to tell you.

It's 0K, actually.

 

[Jehannum]

What do you get when you mix human and goat DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo, that's what.

 

[Jehannum]

My son asked me why I buy vinyl records.

I said, "they're always a sound purchase".

 

[Jehannum]

As the roof is replaced today, my dogs are joining in as amateur roofers by barking incessantly.

 

[Jehannum]

What's @Josh's least favorite band?

Bread.