Bad Jokes

[gee]

TIL ants can't catch COVID.

It's because they've got ant-y bodies.

 

[gee]

I play hockey on a 5 dollar pair of skates because I'm a cheapskate.

 

[Jehannum]

You should never roll CDs down a hill to see which gets to the bottom first. It would be a disk race.

 

[Jehannum]

@AppleTurkey sent me a text that said, "Your the best". I sent back, "No, you're the best".

She's been on cloud 9 ever since, but I don't have the heart to tell her I was just correcting her grammar.

 

[Jehannum]

I'll never forget my dad's last words to me before he passed: "stop shaking the ladder, you little shit".

 

[ZRH]

I bought my fish a tank.

The problem is he doesnt know how to drive.

 

[Jehannum]

I went to the gas station the other day and there was a sign that said, "Car Wash Out of Order". So I waxed the car, rinsed it, then applied soap.

 

[Jehannum]

How much does coffee cost in space?

A starbuck.

 

[Jehannum]

I made a search engine for orphans.

It works really great, but it's missing a homepage.

 

[Jehannum]

What does a cannibal call a pregnant lady?

A kinder surprise.

 

[Jehannum]

I often wonder about the differences in perception between different individuals, like for example, do we all see colors the same way, or does perception just make color a pigment of our imagination?

 

[Jehannum]

Does anyone know the actor who played Forrest Gump?

T hanks in advance.

 

[Jehannum]

What do you call a man with a shovel?

Doug

What do you call a man without a shovel?

Douglas

 

[Jehannum]

Plants are thin because they're light eaters.

 

[Jehannum]

The difference between a vegan and a computer scientist is that one is disgusted by a rack of lamb, and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.

 

[Jehannum]

I was on a diabetes website, and it asked me if I wanted to accept cookies.

That seems counterproductive

 

[Jehannum]

When the person who invented lozenges died, there was no coffin at the funeral.

 

[Jehannum]

When a wizard cooks, his most used spell is cast iron pan.

 

[Jehannum]

Back in elementary school, my favorite teacher was Mrs. Turtle.

Weird name, but she tortoise well.

 

[Jehannum]

I asked Siri why I was so bad with women, and her reply was, "My name is Alexa".