Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

Did you know that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league?

Despite much research on the part of Swiss historians, there hasn't been any evidence of the names of the league's sponsors.

So we don't yet know for whom the Tells bowled.

 

[Jehannum]

For lunch today, I'm combining alphabet soup and a laxative.

I'm gonna call it "letter rip".

 

[Jehannum]

A husband and wife were shopping in ancient Rome, the husband took an L toga and showed it to his wife.

She said , “I’m big, but I’m not that big! Get me a smaller size."

So the husband returned the L toga and grabbed the XL one.

She replied, “That’s better.”

 

[Jehannum]

Did you know that we get #2 pencils from tree poop?

 

[Jehannum]

What do you call a snake who just molted?

Snekkid.

 

[Jehannum]

 

[Jehannum]

Found two big lumps on my car battery.

Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.

 

[Jehannum]

The largest type of ant is the elephant.

 

[Strings]

Found two big lumps on my car battery.

Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.

Makes sense, one test positive, one test negative.
What was the charge?

 

[King Wickie Pelt Snatcher]

 

[Jehannum]

In mathematics, -4442 is known as "Jenny's Number", because it's 867-5309.

 

[Jehannum]

What's the difference between a constipated owl and a bad sniper?

One can hoot but not shit, and one can shoot but not hit.

 

[ZRH]

Two penguins are standing on an iceberg.

One penguin turns to the other and says "It looks like you're wearing a tuxedo"

The other penguin says "Who says Im not?"

 

[tre]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I’m not sure what they were laced with but I’ve been tripping all day.

 

[Jehannum]

A sea monster's favorite meal is fish 'n ships.

 

[Jehannum]

Lost both my hands in a horrible work-related accident last week. I'm sure there's a policy in place for applying for workmans' comp, but I just can't put my finger on it.

 

[Jehannum]

If you take a 12 inch poop, it's technically a footstool.

 

[Jehannum]

How do you make a bee an atheist?

Smack the beejesus out of it.

 

[Jehannum]

Time passes more quickly for Spiderman, because he only has 11 months in a year, as he doesn't have May.

 

[Jehannum]

A female wizard is a wizar.

It's just "wizard" without the D.