Bad Joe Monday

Ok, folks. You have an hour left to post your best jokes. Remember, coffee related jokes get a special prize ....(it's actually a good one this time... I promise -.O)


As it stands...

BeeRad is in the lead with 4 pts. for caffeinated and one point for a decaffeinated joke. FGH is in second place with 1 pt. in caffeinated category.
 
Last edited:
Heres stewie doing the robot cause I wanted to test the uploader, hahah

455451008149bbec.gif
 
78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...


1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
3. The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
4. You ski uphill.
5. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
6. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
7. You speed walk in your sleep.
8. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
9. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
10. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
11. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
12. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
13. You sleep with your eyes open.
14. When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.
15. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
16. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
17. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
18. You lick your coffeepot clean.
19. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
20. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
21. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
22. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
23. Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
24. You chew on other people's fingernails.
25. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
26. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
27. You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
28. The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
29. You can jump-start your car without cables.
30. All your kids are named "Joe".
31. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
32. You don't sweat, you percolate.
33. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
34. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
35. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
36. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
37. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
38. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
39. Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
40. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
41. People get dizzy just watching you.
42. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
43. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
44. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
45. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
46. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
47. Instant coffee takes too long.
48. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
49. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
50. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
51. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
52. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
53. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
54. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
55. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
56. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
57. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
58. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
59. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
60. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
61. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
62. You can jump to the moon.
63. You short out motion detectors.
64. You have a conniption over spilled milk.
65. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
66. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
67. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
68. You don't tan, you roast.
69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
70. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
71. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
72. You can't even remember your second cup.
73. You help your dog chase its tail.
74. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
75. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
76. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
77. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
78. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
 
omg I didn't think anyone but me knew about that song :lol:


"Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell."

OMG you thought you were the only one that knows about that song, haha


You obviously havent been to many dive bars in the past couple years, :fly:
 
OMG you thought you were the only one that knows about that song, haha


You obviously havent been to many dive bars in the past couple years, :fly:

I didn't think BHG got popular enough for people to know any of their songs besides Bad Touch and the Ballad of Chasey Lain :o
 
I didn't think BHG got popular enough for people to know any of their songs besides Bad Touch and the Ballad of Chasey Lain :o


Personally I have been listening to them since I was in middle school, lol. I dont think I know anyone who hasnt heard of them actually:fly: .

"Along Comes Mary" was the "PoP" song for what I can remember. Hidden pun intended:fly:
 
Personally I have been listening to them since I was in middle school, lol. I dont think I know anyone who hasnt heard of them actually:fly: .

"Along Comes Mary" was the "PoP" song for what I can remember. Hidden pun intended:fly:

That's what I was thinking
 
OMG you thought you were the only one that knows about that song, haha


You obviously havent been to many dive bars in the past couple years, :fly:

The only reason I am familure with that song is due to a friend of mine who like to see how many brains he can e'splodie. He makes a game out of it. This guy has subjected my to such monstrosities as the anime Mouse and Punny punny Poeme (or however you spell the damn thing.)

BTW, 5 min warning, folks!!
 
AND THE RESULTS ARE IN!! BeeRad gets first prize for 4 pts. FGH and FlyNavy tie for second with 1 pt each. Since BeeRad sucks schweaty 100% Columbian donkey-dong, he will only get one prize. Thank you for playing!




This just in... the judges, (well, that would be only me,) have made a decision change. Since FlyNavy posted a joke that made me laugh more than once, he will be awarded first place along side of BeeRad. Congrats to you both!
 
Last edited:
AND THE RESULTS ARE IN!! BeeRad gets first prize for 4 pts. FGH and FlyNavy tie for second with 1 pt each. Since BeeRad sucks schweaty 100% Columbian donkey-dong, he will only get one prize. Thank you for playing!




This just in... the judges, (well, that would be only me,) have made a decision change. Since FlyNavy posted a joke that made me laugh more than once, he will be awarded first place along side of BeeRad. Congrats to you both!

:cool: :cool: :cool: :cool:
 
Personally I have been listening to them since I was in middle school, lol. I dont think I know anyone who hasnt heard of them actually:fly: .

"Along Comes Mary" was the "PoP" song for what I can remember. Hidden pun intended:fly:

I know everyone's heard of them but most people I've talked to know them as a one hit wonder with 'the bad touch'. I should get some of their other albums, all I have is that one CD. My favorite is 'Right Turn Clyde' :)

edit: and i don't get the pun :confused:
 
Last edited: