Ask a gay man anything..

snoogit

Erect Member
May 8, 2006
4,079
5
41
40
Grand Rapids, MI
www.snoogit.com
Marklar
₥0
I have always thought of myself as gay, but I have lots of guilt (obviously) about it. I never wanted to or still don't want to be gay. I would rather have the same frame of mind as 95% of the population.

I have never tried a girl, but have always wanted to. I have had the chance to, but never could rise to the occasion.

My family is accepting if I never talk about anything about relationships, sex, homosexuality, dating, kissing, holding hands, or anything like that.

Sounds like don't ask don't tell Family edition.
 

dbzeag

Wants to kiss you where it stinks
Jun 9, 2006
17,050
498
548
43
Marklar
₥600
dbzeag you need to work on releasing the guilt. You're a great guy and shouldn't be punished because you chose your own path rather than one someone else pictured for you.

:heart:

This guilt is too deeply rooted and matured and fertilized to be taken away.
 

dbzeag

Wants to kiss you where it stinks
Jun 9, 2006
17,050
498
548
43
Marklar
₥600
Trust me, if it were that easy...

How would you know anything about being a homosexual? I think you should exit this thread immediately. If Shalimar was worried about this forum so much he had changed his screenname, certainly you shouldn't be posting in a thread titled "Ask a gay man anything"
 

dbzeag

Wants to kiss you where it stinks
Jun 9, 2006
17,050
498
548
43
Marklar
₥600
Sounds like don't ask don't tell Family edition.

My family is like that for most all relationships, but I know my parents would feel uncomfortable if chim and I did the hand holding thing my sister and bro-in-law does.
 

dbzeag

Wants to kiss you where it stinks
Jun 9, 2006
17,050
498
548
43
Marklar
₥600
I cannot understand why you would feel guilty.

Time and time again through multiple sources (whether it is media or friends or even interpersonal communications with relatives) that being gay is not normal, and having it been told that it is a choice and even having groups that change and convert you "back to normal", you question one facet about yourself that is an intrigel part of your existance. When others tell you and show you and make you believe through violence or ostracism that one factor of your humanity should be shunned, you feel guilty for being that way.

It is the same for mullato babies in the 60's to wear lots of sun screen and to never been outdoors so they could stay as light as they could because of the torture they would endure if they were percieved as black. It is why there is a concept of "a closet". It is why the highest rate of suicides in teenagers is with homosexuals. It is why the highest rate of depression in adults is with homosexuals.
 

snoogit

Erect Member
May 8, 2006
4,079
5
41
40
Grand Rapids, MI
www.snoogit.com
Marklar
₥0

Hmmm just reading some data it looks like Functional speech impediments with no known cause affects 10 percent of the population.

Resource:
http://www.answers.com/topic/lisp

Although I can only begin to imagine what can cause a gay man to begin lisping, I think this paragraph:

Some children will adopt a lisp as a means of gaining attention. Other children will begin to lisp after they have experienced unusual stress or trauma. This behavior is part of a regression into a more secure period and can include other types of regressive behaviors such as bed wetting or wanting to sleep with the light on in the bedroom.

Can give us a glimpse into why this phenomenon occurs. I imagine it begins with some gay men who might experience severe psychological trauma from parents, or peers that could cause them to initially revert to a similar state. Now it might be interesting to see if other regressive behaviors also result from potential psychological trauma from events such as coming out, or other trauma that is generally experienced by members of the gay community over their identity. It could explain certain other behaviors that the gay community exhibits.

I find it all very fascinating.
 

dbzeag

Wants to kiss you where it stinks
Jun 9, 2006
17,050
498
548
43
Marklar
₥600
Hmmm just reading some data it looks like Functional speech impediments with no known cause affects 10 percent of the population.

Resource:
http://www.answers.com/topic/lisp

Although I can only begin to imagine what can cause a gay man to begin lisping, I think this paragraph:



Can give us a glimpse into why this phenomenon occurs. I imagine it begins with some gay men who might experience severe psychological trauma from parents, or peers that could cause them to initially revert to a similar state. Now it might be interesting to see if other regressive behaviors also result from potential psychological trauma from events such as coming out, or other trauma that is generally experienced by members of the gay community over their identity. It could explain certain other behaviors that the gay community exhibits.

I find it all very fascinating.


Wow, this is tremendously interesting! Thank you very much for your information and ideas!! I will definitely look into that
:heart: <--- in a heterosexual way of course
 

Dharma1521

Soooo do I look as young as I look?
Apr 5, 2006
15,273
995
548
Falls Church, VA
Marklar
₥2,157
Time and time again through multiple sources (whether it is media or friends or even interpersonal communications with relatives) that being gay is not normal, and having it been told that it is a choice and even having groups that change and convert you "back to normal", you question one facet about yourself that is an intrigel part of your existance. When others tell you and show you and make you believe through violence or ostracism that one factor of your humanity should be shunned, you feel guilty for being that way.

It is the same for mullato babies in the 60's to wear lots of sun screen and to never been outdoors so they could stay as light as they could because of the torture they would endure if they were percieved as black. It is why there is a concept of "a closet". It is why the highest rate of suicides in teenagers is with homosexuals. It is why the highest rate of depression in adults is with homosexuals.

I don't know if homosexuality is a choice but I do know that guilt is a choice.
 

taivas

Erect Member
Aug 12, 2008
1,512
23
41
36
coffeeland
Marklar
₥82
How would you know anything about being a homosexual? I think you should exit this thread immediately. If Shalimar was worried about this forum so much he had changed his screenname, certainly you shouldn't be posting in a thread titled "Ask a gay man anything"

Pfft. :p
 

snoogit

Erect Member
May 8, 2006
4,079
5
41
40
Grand Rapids, MI
www.snoogit.com
Marklar
₥0
Wow, this is tremendously interesting! Thank you very much for your information and ideas!! I will definitely look into that
:heart: <--- in a heterosexual way of course

I don't care how I get the love. I think one thing that would help you not feel so guilty is by not feeling like you have to constantly identify the love you're giving. Love is love regardless of how its delivered.


But that's my 2 cents.

:heart: in whatever way you want it to be.
 
Last edited:

Thorn Bird

Forum Mom
May 24, 2005
14,764
20
41
Marklar
₥0
:heart:

This guilt is too deeply rooted and matured and fertilized to be taken away.

i'm not about to pretend to know how it feels to be in your shoes. i do know that many people have that intense, rooted guilt over many things. is it REALLY over "just" being gay, or could it be something else closely related, such as hypothetically feeling like you've disappointed your family, for example? or feeling guilty about yourself over something, not necessarily about being gay but about not being something else? oftentimes there are things that are so entwined with something more obvious that it's easy to not see the underlying and identify the culprit as the loudmouth.
i'm not trying to TELL you what you are or aren't, or what you feel or don't feel. i'm just using examples to try to describe my thoughts. and probably failing. i'm babbling. :eek:
there's a difference to me between being guilty of a specific and not being at peace with what is true about yourself yet misunderstood by most others. the latter does not make it wrong or untrue...it means that you haven't found inner peace with something and haven't found a way, or people, who can honestly relate to it and help settle yourself and find peace. :heart: the latter is much harder to see, process, validate, accept, and put to peace.

I don't know if homosexuality is a choice but I do know that guilt is a choice.

not all the time. some people are just built to feel guilty...because they constantly measure themselves against some preset measuring stick (such as a religion's, or a family's, or society's) when that measuring stick is just not accurate for themselves. they constantly fail against this stick that isn't even right for them, and they constantly feel guilty because they aren't better, or aren't quite as mainstream (which means easily identifiable), or are lacking...even though they can't figure out what's "wrong," they don't feel "right."

Guilt is a subconscious emotion like happiness or surprise. at least that's how i feel

guilt can be either, just like any emotion to any one or another. i do think you can choose happiness oftentimes, but i don't feel like you can choose the rawness of JOY...the instinctive, unexpected, unprovoked feeling of happiness and peace as one. but then again, that's just my perspective, which is based on my personal experiences...
 

eileenbunny

Druish Princess
May 25, 2005
13,468
2,411
573
47
Columbia, Maryland, United States
Marklar
₥592
Every emotion you ever have that is caused by someone else is a choice. You always get to choose how you feel about any situation you are presented with. Unfortunately, most people don't realize this and just go around letting people control them. It's a thinking before acting thing. You can do that with emotions too. I didn't understand it until I started trying it and got good at it. Sometimes I still let people get me, but not nearly as often as I used to. The point is, if people are making you feel some way, it is because you are letting them.
 

Thorn Bird

Forum Mom
May 24, 2005
14,764
20
41
Marklar
₥0
i don't believe all emotion is a choice at ALL. i recognize that you can choose what to do with it AFTER it presents itself to you, but the raw emotion that's the effect from some cause is not a choice at all.