[Article] Article: Surprise! You're Dense! - The Birthday Edition Part 1

More #ThrowbackThursday from Dirk.

“I really appreciate this,” she said.

“No problem,” I said. I quickly looked to the flask of Grey Goose tucked nicely in my gray jacket. I’m not going down without a fight.

“I just want to meet some new people and I know I’d feel more comfortable if you were there," she replied, looking somewhat nervous. I smiled, and wondered silently what would happen if I could make someone's head explode through violent throughts. That made me happy.

I had classified this as a “Level 4 Asswhipping,” which is similar to a Level 3 but with the added horror of not knowing anything about the group with which I would spend my night. Usually you can find one or two people to hold a conversation with for a while, talk about sports or maybe even politics. More often than not the conversation ends up on religion, and how I am going to hell. I check one more time. I hope there’s a special at the bar.

We pull closer to Dave And Busters, when she says, “Hey, how about we get a lottery ticket?” As I had just tithed $4 to the Gods Of Statistics a few days earlier I wasn’t too keen on it, but I figured it would burn up some time. If you’re early to a party you don’t want to be at in the first place, it tends to make the night seem longer. We pull in, grab the ticket, and then I decide that I would make this trip worth it.

“Hey, I need some cammo pants for paintball tomorrow, mind if we go to an Army Supply store?”

“Ummm…okay. Could you drop me off at D & B then? I need to…use the restroom.”

Great. Not only do I not really want to be here, but now I need to go hunt for her. Level 5 is fast approaching.

After some cajoling, we go to the store. $20 and a nice set of pants later, we’re back on the road. I had previously not wanted to be one of the crazy bastards in full cammo playing fake war, but I was tired of screwing up a nice pair of jeans every time I played. Plus I think I would have looked quite delicious in a cammo-and-black (I do, by the way.) We pull into Dave & Busters, after I see the beauty that is Cabaret Royale (Editor’s Note: MUST GO THERE) when I drop her off to use the restroom. I find a nice spot near the front, check my flask, and proceed inside. Not 4 steps inside I notice my buddy Randy, awkwardly looking around. What the hell is he doing here?

“Hey Randy, what’s up?”

“Diana told me to come here.”

Great. So now she’s stocking up on people. Was it pity or was it planned? I was hoping to bury myself in the warm embrace of liquor, and now I need to spend the next 4 hours switching between Randy’s Pity Party and stumbling through conversations with others. Warning: Level 5. Find nearest exit and fake an aneurysm.

Just as I reach for the French-made goodness, I spot three more people I know getting through the door. Derek, his ungodly intelligent wife April, and her friend from the University of Arizona Laura. At least I can depend on some nice liberal-slanted discussion if things go to shit. We meet, I get a nice hug, and then it slowly…ever so slowly dawns on me. Randy…Derek…April…party…March.

Damn. I’ve been surprise-partied.
 
I told DJB that tardwife wanted a surprise party for her 40th, told him who to invite etc and heard nothing of it until a week after my mums birthday when she was telling me about the lovely surprise party DJB had organised for her.

Turns out I wasn't even invited. His excuse? He assumed I was psychic and knew he was going ahead with the plan.
 
My brother is Derek and his wife is April. And she is anything but ungodly intelligent. Or even moderately intelligent.
 
I told DJB that tardwife wanted a surprise party for her 40th, told him who to invite etc and heard nothing of it until a week after my mums birthday when she was telling me about the lovely surprise party DJB had organised for her.

Turns out I wasn't even invited. His excuse? He assumed I was psychic and knew he was going ahead with the plan.

Awesome.
DJB gets a gravy for this, somehow.
 
My parents threw a surprise party for my graduation/going away party for me before I went away to the military college. first and only surprise party. It was great, right up until some "friends" stole my parents camera.

Now, I have no friends to surprise me with anymore
I'm just here for the FNM reference.