Thread Am I wrong at getting annoyed/mad at.....

I moved to Europe when I was 17. I had money and skills. I had means. He does not.

I understand, I'm just saying that banning him from seeing her will probably only cause more problems given his utter lack of desire to do anything else.

I've seen a case like his in person, and it doesn't get better for very long, even a few years later. Gotta get him out of the house somehow, job, military school, something, he needs to WANT to support himself.
 

OzSTEEZ

¡ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ʇunɔ 'ᴉO
Nov 11, 2008
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Oz
I understand, I'm just saying that banning him from seeing her will probably only cause more problems given his utter lack of desire to do anything else.

I've seen a case like his in person, and it doesn't get better for very long, even a few years later. Gotta get him out of the house somehow, job, military school, something, he needs to WANT to support himself.

I had been suggesting military school to his mother years ago. But that was hard because he lived with his father who is a fucking horrific father..

His girlfriend doesn't live close, and neither of them drive, so they rely on us.
 

OzSTEEZ

¡ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ʇunɔ 'ᴉO
Nov 11, 2008
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Oz
On second thought, banning him may work then, he'll be forced to come up with a way to see her :lol:

Hide your car keys!

If he took my car, he'll have a shit ton more to worry about. I'd have his ass charged with auto theft, and would not bail him out.


I just want him to start learning the value of earning your luxuries. Seeing a girl is a luxury, not a right. Smoking ciggs is a luxury. I'm not happy supplying these thing is he isn't going to earn them.. These are fundamental aspects to adulthood independence.
 

Coqui

Piccolo Pete
Oct 14, 2004
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If he took my car, he'll have a shit ton more to worry about. I'd have his ass charged with auto theft, and would not bail him out.


I just want him to start learning the value of earning your luxuries. Seeing a girl is a luxury, not a right. Smoking ciggs is a luxury. I'm not happy supplying these thing is he isn't going to earn them.. These are fundamental aspects to adulthood independence.

Supplying him with cigs is basically justifying his lack of desire to work. Regardless of your opinion on whether someone his age should smoke or not, he needs to learn the value of a dollar. Cigarettes are not a necessity. If he wants them, he should pay for them himself.
 

OzSTEEZ

¡ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ʇunɔ 'ᴉO
Nov 11, 2008
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Oz
Supplying him with cigs is basically justifying his lack of desire to work. Regardless of your opinion on whether someone his age should smoke or not, he needs to learn the value of a dollar. Cigarettes are not a necessity. If he wants them, he should pay for them himself.

Basically what I said..
 

Dory Berkowitz-Bukowski

Ready for some Heroin
Oct 15, 2004
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You supply hiim with cigs? Something is up with that o_0

That's like supplying youd kid with as much booze as they want, whenever they want. Fuck that. There's no way I'd expect ANYONE to pay for my cigs. He needs to stop being a bum and get a job.
 

JAXvillain

Curly_Sue
Oct 13, 2004
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You supply hiim with cigs? Something is up with that o_0

That's like supplying youd kid with as much booze as they want, whenever they want. Fuck that. There's no way I'd expect ANYONE to pay for my cigs. He needs to stop being a bum and get a job.

I agree. I was buying my own cigs at age 14. I started working full time every summer in between school years when I was 14.
 

OzSTEEZ

¡ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ʇunɔ 'ᴉO
Nov 11, 2008
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Oz
Then stick with it. Juli should have no problem forcing her own son to pay for his own habit instead of you.

She's in agreement that he needs to pay for these things himself..
 

Amstel

The Hoarse Whisperer
Jul 12, 2009
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you're a whore, but in a good way. Kindof.
She's in agreement that he needs to pay for these things himself..
Maybe, whatever you do provide for him, instead of getting it for him / giving it to him (clothing, cable, rides, date $, etc) you should give to him at the beginning of the month. Then, when he blows it by the 10th, he's the one who's done it, and he'll have to live the next 20 days in the situation he has created for himself.

Create a value of what he gets there, take it all away & hand him the cash & have him buy from you what he wants.

They're now suggesting that if you do an allowance for your highschooler, you include their clothing and entertainment budget as well, that way, if they blow the $ on dates, they're not getting the chuck taylor's or IPOD they want. It's easier for a highschooler to learn from this lesson and recover than it is once he's out-out.
 

OzSTEEZ

¡ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ʇunɔ 'ᴉO
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Oz
So you've stopped paying for them already?

Well I buy cartons.. So he used to get one pack from that carton every now and then.. I've since stopped and had to hide my cartons..

His mother buys him a pack every week or two.. She has said that she will begin to phase that out..
 

Coqui

Piccolo Pete
Oct 14, 2004
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Well I buy cartons.. So he used to get one pack from that carton every now and then.. I've since stopped and had to hide my cartons..

His mother buys him a pack every week or two.. She has said that she will begin to phase that out..

There is no phase. Cold turkey. He wants them he needs a job. This is a luxury, not a necessity, so there's no need to wean it off.
 

OzSTEEZ

¡ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ʇunɔ 'ᴉO
Nov 11, 2008
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Oz
That's my point of view. But Juli being the one who has to deal with him and being his loving parent may want to do it in a more forgiving nature.. As long as it doesn't take that long then I'm fine with it.
 

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
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So while I'm not a parent, I am enthralled with the Chinese parenting style. Look up 'Tiger Mom'... it's quite interesting how parenting in the west is very concerned with self-esteem and Chinese parenting is quite the opposite, they are concerned more with excelling. There is less depression, and more successful children this way.