Thread All new 2019 Super Duper Sperm thread!

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I think I already posted this but I was supposed to have today and tomorrow but it was canceled altogether.
 
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I’ve been called up a handful of times. Had little kids and gotten excuses for most and the last was supposed to be last may so it got cancelled.
 
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I told them I have asthma (true) and would have a hard time breathing wearing a mask while closed in a room all day.
And I didn't feel it was safe to be huddled together with the unvaccinated masses.
I got an email saying I didn't need to report.
Then a week later I heard they canceled all in person court appearances for April.
So I don't know if my excuse amounted to a hill of beans.
 
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I once said I wouldn't vote guilty unless I saw the crime take place. They let me off.

I could tell them

Me - JESUS, Has already told me the verdict. I've been instructed not to discuss this information with anyone, especially other jurors".

Them - We haven't even told you anything yet, sir.

Me - Yes.

Them - But , sir ...

Me - (Interrupting) Excuse me, excuse me, the lord is the only witness I will need to hear from.


So. How long do ya think they'll lock me up for?
 
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I've had county at least 4 or 5 times and state 2 times. I've only been in the actual courtroom once.
Most of the time I just sit there.
Once I was one of 8 or so people that didn't get called. Everyone else in the room got called and I didn't see any of them the rest of the day.
 
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I was empaneled once for a DUI case and got off because when asked if anyone had any preconceived bias about the case, I raised my hand and said “He pulled her over because she’s hot and he thought he could hit it.” Excused. That was when I was still a drunk, and it was the only day of work I missed at that job in the five years I worked there.

I’ve told about the six week grand jury term I served much later, after becoming sane. It was a great experience and if I could, I’d do it again.
 
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