Thread All new 2019 Super Duper Sperm thread!

[Domon]

Might be better to not do it live as well. Send a letter/email/etc and let absorb it, then talk to her after a couple days

 

[Strings]

That is a tough situation. Everyone's quality of life would suffer. I don't mean to sound dramatic though. I don't envy the choices you face. I wouldn't even know what I would do much less what advice to give.

 

[tre]

Feeling bad about doing the right thing usually means you're a good person, for what its worth. There is no likely outcome in this that is positive for everyone involved, unfortunately.

 

[Jehannum]

it's gonna be a no, I'm just trying to figure out how best to tell her no so that I have the least fallout.

 

[Domon]

ignore the rest of us, do what tre says

 

[Dory Berkowitz-Bukowski]

"so what's best for you and your family is to let me be on the streets, I must be so terrible, I can't believe you hate me so much that that's what's best for you, I must have been a really terrible mother, I'm so sorry, I should just make things easier for everyone"

Do not fall into playing games or getting sucked into her drama.

"I hear what you're saying and it must be very upsetting for you, however we have made up our mind and the answer is no. I will not be guilted into changing my mind and I am not responsible for your emotions or responses to this situation. You are in charge of your life and need to make your own decisions just as I do."

"I hear that you are upset. This must be difficult for you but that doesn't change the situation or my position. I'm sure you can figure out a way to solve this problem. I wish you all the best."

 

[Dory Berkowitz-Bukowski]

Might be better to not do it live as well. Send a letter/email/etc and let absorb it, then talk to her after a couple days

This. Written communication takes out the emotion and potential for guilt and emotional blackmail.

 

[OOD]

I'm going to be real, @august . If my mom were anything like your mom I would tell her no. And when she accused me abandoning her I would tell her that's exactly what I'm doing. I wouldn't even feel bad about it.

Ever since my wife and I excommunicated her parents life was so much easier. I don't really have any room in my life for toxic bullshit. Everyone has the potential to be toxic on any given day. When it becomes their normal I have no tolerance for it.

 

[HipHugHer]

then she's going to think I'm in another situation like jihad with my ex where he's controlling me



she will still say I'm abandoning her, logic has no place in discussions with her.



I'm currently trying to find out info on low income housing in her area, but I know shes going to come back with a bunch of reasons why that can't work. I am definitely considering trying to figure out what we can send her that'll be enough to keep her there, & find a way to word it so that it's more me trying to keep her somewhere warm and familiar and less trying to keep her tf away from us.

Was going to mention if she's on disability she can apply for housing assistance and eventually end up with an apartment or something of her own. There are waiting lists for those programs, sometimes a pretty long wait, but there might be other programs or circumstances because of the fire thing that could help speed it along. She needs to apply for any and all of that stuff immediately. There will also be local charities and city/county/state places than can help walk her through the process and direct her to other places that can offer more short term help in the meantime.

 

[Valve1138]

Just say no. Pretty simple.

 

[Valve1138]

You could also be a dick about it.

Give her a key that doesn’t work for your front door and let her figure the rest out in her own.

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

change your name and move

 

[Valve1138]

change your name and move

But they just moved!

 

[wetwillie]

it's gonna be a no, I'm just trying to figure out how best to tell her no so that I have the least fallout.

Tell her no and then block her for at least 2 weeks. Fallout doesn't exist if you don't know it's there. I mean, what's she gonna do, cut you out of her will?

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

 

[tre]

Remind yourself that you have no control over how she reacts to your decision. That’s all up to her and her alone. It’s okay if she’s upset about it, she’s allowed to feel however she chooses, but you don’t have to accept or believe anything she says about you.

 

[fly]

@tre so wise

 

[tre]

@tre so wise

I’ve been through some shit

 

[august]

the plan tonight is to sit down with Jason and write out all the shit I need to have written down to refer to, some alternatives for her, and then send the whole thing in text form so it'll be harder to try to talk me out of it/cry/guilt me.

and then send it tonight - I don't want her to have false hope about it/string her along. and I have to be prepared to block her/go no contact if she gets combative or pushy.

 

[HipHugHer]

the plan tonight is to sit down with Jason and write out all the shit I need to have written down to refer to, some alternatives for her, and then send the whole thing in text form so it'll be harder to try to talk me out of it/cry/guilt me.

and then send it tonight - I don't want her to have false hope about it/string her along. and I have to be prepared to block her/go no contact if she gets combative or pushy.

That's gonna be one incredibly long text.

Then there might be that thing where people frantically text too fast you can't keep up with it.

Or maybe I'm just old.

You're doing the right thing for you and yours. I'd just say to include as much "helping her to help herself" positive type stuff as there is reasons why you can't (not that you owe her reasons).

Addresses & phone numbers of local shelters and housing authority or whatever it's called there instead of just saying "go find someplace to get help", etc.

Those kind of places will have a big list of all available help in her area and once she starts going to them she'll learn of even more places to get a little help on specific things.