Absolutely serious thread advice needed

eh, don't even waste your time or energy. she'll probably be picking him up from jail in a limo when he gets out. some people live for abuse.
 
So the jail calls are not collect? Around here most of the jails charge the recipient of the call not the person in jail, not to mention the charges are outrageous, dollars per minute. Thus you have to accept the collect call. If you don't accept, you don't get charged, and the phone call ends. Wow, so is she doing this? :lol:
Also, how does he call her all the time from jail? When my friend was in lockup for a couple of months, he got like 3 phone calls the entire time there with no notice of when he could make the calls.
 
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Most are collect because they take your wallet when you get arrested. I dont knwo what this is about just something I know.
 
Ah so I read the OP finally since what's her face was so upset and I wanted to irk her.

But either way, yeah there's really not much to lose by telling it to her straight. She'll accuse you of snooping? Who fucking cares, any employer would find out the same stuff, not to mention taking the perogitive on her health and safety is what family does. If she ditches you guys for him it's her own damn fault after she knows you guys are there for her then it's her own damn fault, but not before.
 
My sister was a waitress back in the day, and had a customer who came in a lot, sat in her section, hit on her, and refused to leave. His behavior became a bit threatening eventually, and yet she couldn't bring herself to confront him about it.

This btw, I worked in retail a lot and this used to happen all the time. I always told the cashiers to confront people and not put up with it but they did. Almost all of those sorts go away when you walk up to them and ask them what the fuck they're doing.
 
I can't believe some of u are telling OP to give up on her. Wtf is wrong with u people! I would never walk away from my sister if she was in this situation.
What if he DID kill her? How fucking horrible would u feel for not helping more and walking away (if this was YOUR sister or SIL)
I read your post ThornBird. U are my hero.

Because she isn't going to listen to reason. The fact that you don't understand that shows me how much of a (crazy) woman you really are. The more the family tries to make her realize what a douche he is, themore she has to defend him. The more she defends him, the more she feels separated from her family. Its a vicious feedback loop and there is nothing anyone can do.

edit: Additionally, on some level she likes this.
 
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i can speak from personal experience that if you build a support system for the VICTIM she can and may walk away from her situation.
but i guess every single situation is different.

lol @ crazy. fuck you puto.

No. It has nothing to do with a support system and everything about the chick making the same realization that everyone else made months/years ago. It probably would have happened in the same time frame, even if you were alone.

/allknowingfly
 
No. It has nothing to do with a support system and everything about the chick making the same realization that everyone else made months/years ago. It probably would have happened in the same time frame, even if you were alone.

/allknowingfly

it takes a healthy brain to be capable to make rational decisions. those"everyone else"s you are referring to probably don't have a skewed perception. sometimes people aren't aware that they have a skewed perception.

think about a repetitively beaten dog. he got beat because he tried to eat. over the years, he learned not to eat, even though he was starving. he began to believe the situation, no matter how wrong it was.

now YOU come in, take the abuser away, and offer food. he, because of repetitive experience, has learned, and does believe, that if he attempts to eat, he will be beaten. this is what he KNOWS. the outsider will see the situation and think, "why doesn't that dog run to the food? the abuser's gone, this helper's here with food...go!" it doesn't make sense that the dog wouldn't run and eat. but all that dog has learned and now believes is that he will get hurt if he tries to eat that food. he sees the food, he is given patience to come to the food...but it does not make SENSE to him. he stands confused and unable to process what is so clear to everyone else watching.

things are not as easy as you assume they are, just because it makes sense to YOU. try to see that sometimes different things make just as much "sense" to other people.
 
it takes a healthy brain to be capable to make rational decisions. those"everyone else"s you are referring to probably don't have a skewed perception. sometimes people aren't aware that they have a skewed perception.

think about a repetitively beaten dog. he got beat because he tried to eat. over the years, he learned not to eat, even though he was starving. he began to believe the situation, no matter how wrong it was.

now YOU come in, take the abuser away, and offer food. he, because of repetitive experience, has learned, and does believe, that if he attempts to eat, he will be beaten. this is what he KNOWS. the outsider will see the situation and think, "why doesn't that dog run to the food? the abuser's gone, this helper's here with food...go!" it doesn't make sense that the dog wouldn't run and eat. but all that dog has learned and now believes is that he will get hurt if he tries to eat that food. he sees the food, he is given patience to come to the food...but it does not make SENSE to him. he stands confused and unable to process what is so clear to everyone else watching.

things are not as easy as you assume they are, just because it makes sense to YOU. try to see that sometimes different things make just as much "sense" to other people.

Didn't you just repeat what I said, only longer? The girl won't leave (eat). She's programmed to stay no matter what anyone or any logic or any safety net says.
 
Didn't you just repeat what I said, only longer? The girl won't leave (eat). She's programmed to stay no matter what anyone or any logic or any safety net says.

i guess i was reading your post like you'd give up because there's no way to reach her because she's just choosing to stay like she is. or like it's her own fault and she should know better and until she makes the decision there's nothing you can do. sorry if i misinterpreted your meaning. :heart:
 
i guess i was reading your post like you'd give up because there's no way to reach her because she's just choosing to stay like she is. or like it's her own fault and she should know better and until she makes the decision there's nothing you can do. sorry if i misinterpreted your meaning. :heart:

No, that's what I'm saying. As an outsider, you can't do anything. Like you said, she's trained (choosing) to do what she does. Until she's completely fed up with it, there isnt a damn thing anyone can do.
 
No, that's what I'm saying. As an outsider, you can't do anything. Like you said, she's trained (choosing) to do what she does. Until she's completely fed up with it, there isnt a damn thing anyone can do.

i just see it differently. :iono: :heart: