[Article] Article: Happy Valentines Day

wtf is this, the ENGLISH translation?

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Originally Posted by The Script
Hello April.

*STARE AT CAMERA*

Look at me. Now look at these fish. Now back at me.

*STARE AT CAMERA*

Look deeply into my eyes. Now look at my sweet purple shirt. Now back at me again. This shirt and I are here to deliver a message. To you.

*PAUSE*

It's Valentines day. And I'm the Love Guru. I been hired to tell you something. Something so secret that it's only available for free on Youtube. Zac loves you and he couldn't think of a better way to tell you than asking a perfect stranger in a purple shirt to do it. Isn't that sweet? Or creepy? I'm really not sure, but Happy Valentines Day anyway.

I heard words like:

awailable
walentines
deliwer