Do you think astronauts pleasure themselves while in space?

[dbzeag]

The average man masturbates at least once a week. For those missions that are a month or two in space, I wonder if the male (and maybe female) astronauts and/or cosmonauts pleasure themselves up there.

And if the males do ejaculate, what does it look like in zero gravity? Would they have to use socks so as not to cause a huge mess everywhere?

Just food for thought.

I know for one I could not be on a month long mission trapped in a tin can without :rolleyes:

[w_a_w]

I would imagine there are undocumented or unpublicized tests that go on up there

[Desslock]

That's one giant spurt for mankind.

[ERage]

Astronaut Bill: Hey Steve, watch this. I'm going to squeeze one off from back here and see if I can hit Sally in the forehead while she sleeps.

Astronaut Steve: *snickers* OK dude, but she is gonna be so pissed if you hit her.

Astronaut Bill: OK here goes.

...

Astronaut Bill: Steve, could you jiggle my balls while I do this, it helps me out a little.

Astronaut Steve: :wtf:

Astronaut Bill: OK here it comes


:lol: 8===> ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ :eek:

Astronaut Steve: Direct hit!

Astronaut Sally: You son of a bitch, once I get out of these straps *struggles*

[meanwhile a couple of stray shots hit the main controls]

Astronaut Steve: Bill, the control board is lighting up like a christmas tree!

Astronaut Bill: Holy shit, a stray must have shorted it out.

Astronaut Sally: You bastards...


10,000 years later


Glockbar: Supreme Chancellor, we have docked with the UFO. No living beings have been detected.

Supreme Chancellor: Excellent Glockbar can you see inside.

Glockbar: There appears to be 3 mummified remains of unknown creatures. One has yellow stains on their clothing. Strange...

[dbzeag]

:lol: ^

[ChikkenNoodul]

:lol:

Yeah, I'm sure NASA has run through that test officially

[Desslock]

:lol:

Yeah, I'm sure NASA has run through that test officially

Standby for the semen in the control panel test.

That's what really delayed the shuttle launch.

[reverendsaintjay]

Enjoy...

http://english.pravda.ru/science/tech/10-04-2006/78961-sex-space-0

(SFW)

[BeerAd]

Anyone remember the skit at the end of Cheech and Chongs Still Smoking?

[b_sinning]

Remember their toliet is a big vaccum tube.

[BeerAd]

Ops found it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoLAJPyQQZ4

[dbzeag]

Enjoy...

http://english.pravda.ru/science/tech/10-04-2006/78961-sex-space-0

(SFW)

Fascinating. thanks for the link

[BeerAd]

Fascinating. thanks for the link

Mines more facinating, bwhahaha

[wanko80]

Ops found it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoLAJPyQQZ4
That was unfunny.

[BeerAd]

That was unfunny.

cheech and chong is unfunny, well then you can go lick balls, ball licker :(

[wanko80]

cheech and chong is unfunny, well then you can go lick balls, ball licker :(
I'd rather lick balls than watch that again. I was left wondering what part was supposed to be funny.

[BeerAd]

I'd rather lick balls than watch that again. I was left wondering what part was supposed to be funny.

The part at the end that says Wonko is licking balls again, its a quick pop up you better watch it again

[wanko80]

The part at the end that says Wonko is licking balls again, its a quick pop up you better watch it again
It's a trick. Get an axe.

[BeerAd]

I swear its not a trick... watch it again, teeeeehheeeeee

[SemperFly]

Give me about 14 years, I'll let you know.

[SemperFly]

Enjoy...

http://english.pravda.ru/science/tech/10-04-2006/78961-sex-space-0

(SFW)

Future crews should be women only with semen samples in the test tubes being part of a payload. However, nobody knows whether a spaceship crew comprising several amazons will be able to maintain peace for a long time.I have yet to see a group of three or more women get along for more than a day and a half here on earth, I can't begin to imagine the cat fights and venom that would result by putting an entirely female crew in a stressful situation like a six month spaceflight.

[wanko80]

I have yet to see a group of three or more women get along for more than a day and a half here on earth, I can't begin to imagine the cat fights and venom that would result by putting an entirely female crew in a stressful situation like a six month spaceflight.
Excellent point. They need some dick to act normally.

[JPatrick]

I think they use a vacuum hose with a pair of wax lips on the end.

[SemperFly]

Excellent point. They need some dick to act normally.

Honestly I think women naturally need to have a guy around just to blame shit on. When you get a group of females together and leave them without an outlet for their bitchiness they instinctively turn it on each other. Unfortunately, bitchiness has reflective properties and soon begins to exponentially build pressure until finally erupting in a cat fight of extraordinary proportions. Voices jump multiple octaves and forgotten transgressions from ancient times are resurfaced.

Eventually a crying session ensues and the cataclysmic event is topped off with a few tubs of Ben & Jerry's.

[BeerAd]

We need to invent a way to have enough food and oxygen to last years and just shoot someone out into space. Start doing it with inmates, like everyday in different directions. If there is aliens eventually we will find something, lol

[dbzeag]

I have yet to see a group of three or more women get along for more than a day and a half here on earth, I can't begin to imagine the cat fights and venom that would result by putting an entirely female crew in a stressful situation like a 3 year spaceflight.

Fixed for the Mars trips they are planning.

[eileenbunny]

Honestly I think women naturally need to have a guy around just to blame shit on. When you get a group of females together and leave them without an outlet for their bitchiness they instinctively turn it on each other. Unfortunately, bitchiness has reflective properties and soon begins to exponentially build pressure until finally erupting in a cat fight of extraordinary proportions. Voices jump multiple octaves and forgotten transgressions from ancient times are resurfaced.

Eventually a crying session ensues and the cataclysmic event is topped off with a few tubs of Ben & Jerry's.

I don't think this is the case. Well, maybe it is. I look at it like this. All women are psycho, bitchy, and catty. We don't like to be around us either. For those of us who aren't lesbians, we are fortunate enough to not need/want vagina so we don't have to be around each other so much. Poor men.

[dbzeag]

Excellent point. They need some dick to act normally.

Then a ship full of lesbians.

:drool:

[dbzeag]

I don't think this is the case. Well, maybe it is. I look at it like this. All women are psycho, bitchy, and catty. We don't like to be around us either. For those of us who aren't lesbians, we are fortunate enough to not need/want vagina so we don't have to be around each other so much. Poor men.

Why do you think I run far away from women?

Damnit, I made the thread gay. Please people, no one comment on this post.

[BeerAd]

Why do you think I run far away from women?

Damnit, I made the thread gay. Please people, no one comment on this post.

comment

[dbzeag]

comment

:heart:

[SemperFly]

I don't think this is the case. Well, maybe it is. I look at it like this. All women are psycho, bitchy, and catty. We don't like to be around us either. For those of us who aren't lesbians, we are fortunate enough to not need/want vagina so we don't have to be around each other so much. Poor men.

Even lesbians need their male friend to unload bitchiness on. With the rare exception of bulls that are damn near men themselves all lesbians have their own fag hag (dyke tyke? lesbro? :fly:) to act as a pressure release valve for the cattiness.

[GreatTiger]

We need to invent a way to have enough food and oxygen to last years and just shoot someone out into space. Start doing it with inmates, like everyday in different directions. If there is aliens eventually we will find something, lol

Just what we need, aliens to find the crap of our society living in space.

"What planet are you from?"
"Earth, cell 4, block 8."
"We are not idiots. We know that is your prison cell number. Prepare to get anal probed."
"Noooooooo!"

[BeerAd]

Just what we need, aliens to find the crap of our society living in space.

"What planet are you from?"
"Earth, cell 4, block 8."
"We are not idiots. We know that is your prison cell number. Prepare to get anal probed."
"Noooooooo!"

I was more or less thinking of a colorful way to say...

"hey, lets kill all of the mass murderers and rapist on this planet but think of a catchy tune to do it with"

[b_sinning]

Women that work close together have their menstrual cycles sync up. Imagine a whole space station. All weapons would have to be deactivated every 28 days.

[b_sinning]

We need to invent a way to have enough food and oxygen to last years and just shoot someone out into space. Start doing it with inmates, like everyday in different directions. If there is aliens eventually we will find something, lol

I wonder how long it would take whinny liberals to notice that we keep firing all of the pods towards the sun.

[JPatrick]

zero-g would be excellent for some A2A Docking action.

[SemperFly]

I wonder how long it would take whinny liberals to notice that we keep firing all of the pods towards the sun.

probably until right before we decide to start putting whiney liberals into the pods

[b_sinning]

zero-g would be excellent for some A2A Docking action.


I just want a zero-g rave. A good dj, lot's of acid, tons of lights/srobes, and no gravity.

[ERage]

If humans are to go to space long term, where gravity is non-existant or lower than earth like on the moon or mars. how do you think that would change surgery. I mean, you cut some dude open for a triple bypass and his innards just start floating up out of his chest, blood droplets floating around, etc.

[b_sinning]

Long term you have to have some form of gravity or the muscle degenerate too fast. I'm pretty sure it also does internal damage if you go too long with out gravity.

[BeerAd]

I wonder how long it would take whinny liberals to notice that we keep firing all of the pods towards the sun.

we can blame it on old florida people who couldnt read the ballets... ur ummmm the directions

[b_sinning]

I just blame fly, april, inline, and rest of the florida peeps.

[BeerAd]

I just blame fly, april, inline, and rest of the florida peeps.

Glad I dont live in Florida then, oh wait :(


nevermind

[inline4]

I just blame fly, april, inline, and rest of the florida peeps.

you and the rest of the country.. whats new..

[Pandora]

I have a better question. Why does a thread about astronaut self gratification get more posts than a discussion thread about censorship? :confused:

[GreatTiger]

I have a better question. Why does a thread about astronaut self gratification get more posts than a discussion thread about censorship? :confused:

cuase there's nothing fun about censorship.

[BeerAd]

I have a better question. Why does a thread about astronaut self gratification get more posts than a discussion thread about censorship? :confused:

Better yet, how does the gay thread get like 19 pages???


oh yeah, fly runs this forum, forgot, hehe

[dbzeag]

Better yet, how does the gay thread get like 19 pages???


oh yeah, fly runs this forum, forgot, hehe

Says the man that has almost as many posts in the gay thread as the man who started the thread

[Pandora]

cuase there's nothing fun about censorship.

I see. Yeah you'll fit in just fine around here.

[JPatrick]

Says the man that has almost as many posts in the gay thread as the man who started the thread




Yup. The top 10 posters in dbzeags gay man thread:

April23 67
BeeRad 40
dbzeag 35
elpmis 30
Sarcasmo 21
FlyNavy 21
why_ask_why19
thrawn 17
Galen 14
FlamingGlory 14

[wanko80]

April needs to learn that quantity does not denote quality.

[ERage]

I have a better question. Why does a thread about astronaut self gratification get more posts than a discussion thread about censorship? :confused:

I keep posting in there but I think my posts keep getting nabbed by the censors.

[BeerAd]

I think I am usually the top poster in most threads from my rambling non sense but yes, it was a good thread and do you wanna hump about it? hehe

[elpmis]

I see. Yeah you'll fit in just fine around here.

watch out guys, it's time for Pandora's weekly I'm better than you post

[fly]

April needs to learn that quantity does not denote quality.

Trust me, she knows. As her BF, I know she gets neither.

[b_sinning]

Nice preemptive diss fly.

[JPatrick]

I wonder if flatulence can be used as propultion in microgravity.

[elpmis]

Nice preemptive diss fly.

:lol: man that's true

[reverendsaintjay]

I wonder if flatulence can be used as propultion in microgravity.

Pure physics answers that question with a resounding 'Yes'. But functionally it would be difficult. First you have the problem of diffusing the flatus through clothes. (yeah, I watch mythbusters what of it?) So you'd pretty much have to be naked for it to work. Then you have the issue of force produced. I'm pretty sure those SBD's we're so proud of would have your forward motion measured in meters per hour. Next you have to take directional capability into consideration. Would a person with an anal polyp be perpetually known as left-turn-luke?

The biggest question of all though... How are you ever going to find a Taco Bell in space?

[JPatrick]

Pure physics answers that question with a resounding 'Yes'. But functionally it would be difficult. First you have the problem of diffusing the flatus through clothes. (yeah, I watch mythbusters what of it?) So you'd pretty much have to be naked for it to work.
Not a problem.


Then you have the issue of force produced. I'm pretty sure those SBD's we're so proud of would have your forward motion measured in meters per hour.
Ive blasted the sheets off the bed a few times, so that shouldnt be a problem either.

Next you have to take directional capability into consideration. Would a person with an anal polyp be perpetually known as left-turn-luke?

I wanna try and do loopty loops


The biggest question of all though... How are you ever going to find a Taco Bell in space?
Theyll just have to send up lots of broccoli.

[b_sinning]

The thought of floating through Drool's broccoli gas is disturbing.

[SemperFly]

The thought of floating through Drool's broccoli gas is disturbing.

I'm more amused by the image of a buck nekkid drool with his legs hunched up and buttcheeks akimbo doing toot-powered loopty loops in the space shuttle's cargo bay giggling like a school girl.

[Galen]

Is sexual intercourse and masturbation all you think about?

You're a really bad diplomat for your lifestyle. Keep pushing that stereotype.

[dbzeag]

Is sexual intercourse and masturbation all you think about?

You're a really bad diplomat for your lifestyle. Keep pushing that stereotype.

In reading your posts, you are not having a good day, are you? :(

:heart:

And this is an "Non-gay thread" so my preferences have nothing to do with this topic :heart:

[dirt rider]

If humans are to go to space long term, where gravity is non-existant or lower than earth like on the moon or mars. how do you think that would change surgery. I mean, you cut some dude open for a triple bypass and his innards just start floating up out of his chest, blood droplets floating around, etc.


Perform the surgery in a centrifuge.

[Galen]

In reading your posts, you are not having a good day, are you? :(

Some days are more stressful than others, but nothing worth working for is easy

And this is an "Non-gay thread" so my preferences have nothing to do with this topic :heart:

You have to stop that shit, just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to add that to every thread. I can say that noone here cares if you're gay, they only care if you're an annoying, gimmick poster.

[Galen]

If humans are to go to space long term, where gravity is non-existant or lower than earth like on the moon or mars. how do you think that would change surgery. I mean, you cut some dude open for a triple bypass and his innards just start floating up out of his chest, blood droplets floating around, etc.

What? Do you just think organs are stuffed in there like a students wardrobe?

[dbzeag]

Some days are more stressful than others, but nothing worth working for is easy



You have to stop that shit, just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to add that to every thread. I can say that noone here cares if you're gay, they only care if you're an annoying, gimmick poster.

I would like to think my posts are varied every bit as much as posts about hating April or inline being gay or fly being gay or Drool being hot and gay.

[SemperFly]

You have to stop that shit, just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to add that to every thread. I can say that noone here cares if you're gay, they only care if you're an annoying, gimmick poster.

No, he doesn't. Go sit in the corner, dbzeag > you by a long shot.

[fly]

Perform the surgery in a centrifuge.

The Gravitron > *

[ERage]

If humans are to go to space long term, where gravity is non-existant or lower than earth like on the moon or mars. how do you think that would change surgery. I mean, you cut some dude open for a triple bypass and his innards just start floating up out of his chest, blood droplets floating around, etc.

Quoting myself from yesterday because I just saw this article this morning...weird. http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/09/27/space.surgery.ap/index.html

[reverendsaintjay]

And this is an "Non-gay thread" so my preferences have nothing to do with this topic :heart:


You know, you may be wrong about this. Most manned space flights are single sex operations. Perhaps the thread should be updated to say "Non-overtly gay thread, with possible gay undertones".

And I think Galen needs a hug.

[w_a_w]

You know, you may be wrong about this. Most manned space flights are single sex operations. Perhaps the thread should be updated to say "Non-overtly gay thread, with possible gay undertones".

And I think Galen needs a hug.

yes, sand has been detected in his vagina I do believe

[BeerAd]

yes, sand has been detected in his vagina I do believe

Hes just making glass :fly:

[snoogit]

Have you ever pleasured yourself while submerged in a pool?

thats about what jacking off in space would be like.

[Pandora]

This thread needs moar giant bunny.

http://uselessforums.com/imagehosting/135451ac94078aee.jpg

[Sarcasmo]

Nightmares. Thanks.

[snoogit]

This thread needs moar giant bunny.

http://uselessforums.com/imagehosting/135451ac94078aee.jpg

http://uselessforums.com/imagehosting/586451adf0bc568b.jpg

[Sarcasmo]

The only thing worse than a rabbit beast that size is a rabbit beast that size wearing a cowbell.

[snoogit]

The only thing worse than a rabbit beast that size is a rabbit beast that size wearing a cowbell.

So by your logic:

http://uselessforums.com/imagehosting/135451ac94078aee.jpg+http://uselessforums.com/imagehosting/586451adf0bc568b.jpg=http://uselessforums.com/imagehosting/586451ae0f05d57d.jpg?

[Sarcasmo]

Something like that, yeah.

[Galen]

No, he doesn't. Go sit in the corner, dbzeag > you by a long shot.

I value your opinion greatly

[SemperFly]

I value your opinion greatly

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/aenimalus/images.jpg

[GreatTiger]

Now that i think about it, why wouldn't they? I mean, where else are they going to see their spooge float in the air?

[snoogit]

Now that i think about it, why wouldn't they? I mean, where else are they going to see their spooge float in the air?

I know I'd do it, if only to be amazed to see spooge floating in mid air like it was in a pool

[FlamingGlory]

Now that i think about it, why wouldn't they? I mean, where else are they going to see their spooge float in the air?

A plane travelling in elliptical circuits.

[JPatrick]

But Im sure the risk of getting shoved out the airlock by the other astronauts is too high to want to try.

[snoogit]

But Im sure the risk of getting shoved out the airlock by the other astronauts is too high to want to try.

No no no no...

Thats when you get all the Astronauts to do a circle jerk on the one indian female onboard, because every shuttle flight has an indian female on board nowadays.